Weathermen network commits successful political terrorism

GUEST COLUMN

By:Cynthia Daniels
   (DOH Wire Service) — In the most confusing turn of political events since Yippie Jerry Rubin turned capitalist, this generation’s profit-driven Weathermen Network has wreaked political havoc in a small New Jersey township by means of terroristic forecasts of an explosive but non-existent blizzard.
   Hopewell Township, N.J., already suffering from political confusion since last November’s local election resulted in no results, had an election scheduled for Tuesday postponed as a result of the Weathermen’s terroristic forecasts. The election was not held despite the fact that only 1-3 inches of snow finally fell on the township over the course of 24 hours from Monday through Tuesday night.
   Driven by the need to attract viewers who could be marketed to advertisers, the Weathermen Network has for days sensationally touted a "storm of the century" (itself less than two years old) that would paralyze the Philadelphia-New York corridor from March 4 through 6.
   As a result, the Hopewell Township re-election may not be held for four weeks, at which time the annual spring monsoons almost certainly will force another cancellation.
   Reached for comment, candidate Fran Bartlett could only make the noise "babul-babul-babul" by dragging her fingers rapidly across her lips, while John Hart referred all comments to his spokeshorse, Mr. Ed.
   Mental causalities are expected to mount into the thousands as a result of the Weathermen’s terrorism. At their sunny headquarters in Atlanta, Weathermen spokespeople could not be reached for comment.