Some authentic labels found on consumer goods
By:
- On a Sear’s hair dryer:
- "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee that’s the
only time I have to work on my hair.) - On a bag of Fritos:
- "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special.) - On a bar of Dial soap:
- "Directions: "Use like regular soap." (And
that would be how ?) - On some Swanson frozen dinners:
- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it’s "just"
a suggestion.) - On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
- "Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!) - On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
- "Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day ) - On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
- "Do not iron clothes on body." (But
wouldn’t this save me more time?) - On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds
off those backhoes.) - On Nytol Sleep Aid:
- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
- On most brands of Christmas lights:
- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?) - On a Japanese food processor:
- "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I’m curious.) - On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
- "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news
flash.) - On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
- "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.) - On a child’s superman costume:
- "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don’t blame the company. I blame parents for this one.) - On a Swedish chainsaw:
- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)