Area ministry, schools respond to grief-stricken

Several prayer services were called and the school district enlisted the help of counselors to deal with Tuesday’s tragedies.

By: Michael Arges
   As they struggled with their own grief and personal anxiety, area ministers urged residents to "get into the pit" with others suffering through the "hell" of grief after Tuesday’s unimaginable disaster at the World Trade Center.


America attacked:

• Two township residents feared dead (Sept. 13, 2001)

• Terror’s shockwaves felt locally (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Anger, sadness among range of emotions (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Area ministry, schools respond to grief-stricken (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Terrorists ask for war (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Helping children cope with disaster (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Terror attacks claim at least six local residents (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Building a garden to remember (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Former Hightstown man hero of Flight 93 (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Township Council to eye memorial (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Priest’s painting inspires parishoners (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Area Muslims condemn attacks (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Tragedy forces new sense of perspective (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Children want to help, too (Sept. 21, 2001)


   At the same time, administrators, teachers and counselors were gearing up to deal with the bewilderment and grief of students in the East Windsor Regional School District.
   "When someone’s going through hell, a tragedy as deep and as hell-like as this, all you can do is go to hell with them," said Pastor Neill Tolboom of Hightstown’s First United Methodist Church. "All you can do is get down into the pit with them and stand beside them, and say, ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
   "You have to take a step back, let them talk, let them remember, let them get angry — just say, ‘I’m sorry,’ " Pastor Tolboom explained.
   What is most important is simply to be present with the person in the first throes of grief, he added.
   "Look after their physical needs," he said. "Make sure they get enough sleep, that they get enough to eat."
   "There aren’t any easy formulas for this — it’s simply something that we have to face and, with the help of God, endure," added Pastor Edward Taylor of Hightstown’s New Horizon Baptist Church.
   As he was helping his people account for their family members, Pastor Taylor had to deal with his own anxiety about a brother who lives not far from the trade center in New York.
   "I have not heard from my brother yet, so I’m beginning to get a little worried," Pastor Taylor said Wednesday.
   His brother, David, lives on Houston Street, a few blocks north of the World Trade Center.
   "He could have had some business in that area yesterday," Pastor Taylor said. "I’m hoping that he’s just out of town."
   It is the children who need the most careful attention at this terrible time, Pastor Tolboom noted.
   "You’ve got to let them know that their whole world is not unraveling, that you will be there for them, that other people will be there for them," Pastor Tolboom said.
   In helping children with their feelings of grief and anxiety, adults must balance reassurance with honesty, Pastor Tolboom added.
   "If a child is over 4 or 5, you shouldn’t sugar coat it," he explained. "You shouldn’t say ‘Dad’s gone to sleep,’ or ‘Mom’s gone to sleep.’ You have to tell them the truth — they deserve that. But you also have to tell them that there are people protecting them."
   Just as for adults, it is important to be present to listen to children, added the Rev. Tracie Bartholomew.
   "You need to allow the children space to voice their concerns," she explained. "They’re hearing snippets and they’re filling in with their imaginations what might be happening, if they feel things are being hidden from them."
   An assistant to Bishop Roy Riley of the New Jersey Synod of Lutheran Churches, the Rev. Bartholomew will be leading a special memorial service to help children address their grief 4:30 p.m. Sunday at East Windsor’s St. Paul Lutheran Church.
   Leaders at the East Windsor Regional School District have made special arrangements to make school counselors and other helpers available to help students with their anxiety, questions and concerns, noted Dr. Suzanne Harkness, the district’s community services coordinator.
   "We’ve made all our counselors available," Dr. Harkness said. "I know about 50 students at the middle school stopped in the library yesterday and just wanted to talk with some counselors and some teachers and some people who were available there.
   "Many kids here have parents who work in the city," Dr. Harkness noted. "We do have one father at the high school who’s still missing at the World Trade Center. Others of our kids have had aunts and uncles who were killed or maimed."
   Many adults and children addressed their shock and grief by turning to worship.
   "I’m here at the church with the doors open and the bells ringing, because we have to call our nation to prayer," said Pastor Robert Coats of Hightstown’s First Baptist Church soon after the disaster Tuesday. "I’ve had the bells ringing so people will know that the doors are open."
   There were unexpectedly large turn-outs at impromptu worship services that churches and synagogues hastily arranged for Tuesday night. For example, there were more than 120 at the service at East Windsor’s Beth El Synagogue and more than 85 at Hightstown’s First Baptist Church.
   The present chord struck a special chord with the many older residents who turned up at the First Baptist services, Pastor Coats observed. These were the ones who remember Pearl Harbor, he explained.
   "That was why it was so vivid to them," Pastor Coats said.
   Many younger folk also turned out for the special service, Pastor Coats added.
   "They’re having a hard time understanding it all," he said. "These kids have no idea of major catastrophe in this country."
   As he ministered to others, Pastor Coats dealt with his own feelings of bewilderment and sadness.
   "Yesterday I was in shock; today I was in tears," he said Wednesday.
   "We’re just numb," said Chabad of the Windsors director Rabbi Sholom Leverton on Tuesday. "It is a horrific day that forever will be remembered in America for centuries to come, as long as there are people walking this planet."