Helping children cope with disaster

GUEST OPINION by Bettie Witherspoon: We want to conduct ourselves in a way that our children can gain strength from us. They will draw on our actions, now and in the future.

   Our hearts go out to families and friends whose loved ones, innocents, were in the wrong place at this horrifying time in our country’s history. We are grateful to all who helped with rescue. We are consoled about the goodness of humanity by the many ways people have come forward to help, offering their expertise, their vehicles, their blood, their prayers.


America attacked:

• Two township residents feared dead (Sept. 13, 2001)

• Terror’s shockwaves felt locally (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Anger, sadness among range of emotions (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Area ministry, schools respond to grief-stricken (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Terrorists ask for war (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Helping children cope with disaster (Sept. 14, 2001)

• Terror attacks claim at least six local residents (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Building a garden to remember (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Former Hightstown man hero of Flight 93 (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Township Council to eye memorial (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Priest’s painting inspires parishoners (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Area Muslims condemn attacks (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Tragedy forces new sense of perspective (Sept. 21, 2001)

• Children want to help, too (Sept. 21, 2001)


   Many of us are still walking around, stunned, but still trying to conduct our lives in something approaching normal, even though it seems that life will never again be the same. We are trying to stay calm. We need to reassure our children that they are safe. We want to conduct ourselves in a way that our children can gain strength from us. They will draw on our actions, now and in the future.
   There have been so many recent tragedies that we have become all-too-practiced at this. The Oklahoma City bombing incident, where there were children in day care, was one of the worst incidents, but all of the violence that has erupted recently in our schools has raised the anxiety level of our children, too. Here are a few of the methods we have gleaned from experience and research.
   We have added some ‘R’s to our repertoire.
   Resist TV. We are tempted and often are sleepless from our desire to keep up with the latest news. We suffer, but for children even more, from hearing and seeing endless repetitions of horrifying events. When we do watch TV with the children, we need to discuss what we see.
   Restraint. If we are overly emotional or express great fear, our children, especially the young ones, will be very fearful because they look to us for safety. We can certainly share our sadness, but also we can share ways of coping. We do not hesitate to share our anxieties, our anger, and grief with other adults, especially those who can help such as clergy, a friend or a therapist, but use restraint within the child’s hearing. Leave retribution and rage out of these ‘R’s. We know that violence begets violence, and rage begets rage. We are teaching to be kind and caring, and to have the courage to react with intelligence. This is the time to practice what we teach.
   Reassure. The most important thing we can do is to let our children know that we are all doing everything we can to keep them safe. We can point out all the things people are doing about safety, and about preventing violence.
   Respond. If a child has questions, we answer them, but only the specific question. Ask questions to narrow it down. We do not dismiss their concerns. We find out what their greatest fears are, and talk about them. One way of finding out about a young child’s fears is to ask him to draw a picture, and then we talk about it.
   Routine. Staying as nearly as possible to routine is important to a young child at any time; he or she gains a feeling of stability from a schedule of events he or she can predict.
   React. Finding a way to assist that involves the children is helpful. Example: One year, near Christmas, the starving children in another country were on all the news. This upset our children. With guidance, they made cookies, to sell, and send the money to an international agency to help feed the children. The little ones really related to it because they were, after all, making "food."
   Many Web sites are available online that offer suggestions. Althea Lewis found msn.com for us. Connect for Children sent us many more. World Vision has set up a site at www.worldvision.org where there is an outpouring of thoughts and prayers from all over the country and the world, regardless of religious beliefs, gender or ethnic background.
   If you would like more information or such reprints as are permissible from these websites, please call 448-6226, or e-mail [email protected].
Bettie Witherspoon is the former executive director of Better Beginnings day care center in Hightstown.