A day at a time

Widow picks up pieces 6 months after attacks

By: Casha Caponegro
   A little over six months ago, Lisa Beamer was an average suburban wife and mother of two sons, anxiously awaiting the birth of her third child.
   But during a sunny Tuesday morning last September, everything changed for Ms. Beamer. As the country mourned the loss of its sense of security, she mourned the loss of her husband.
   Now the petite, blond widow and mother of a newborn baby girl struggles to maintain a normal life as she contends on a daily basis with the circumstances of her husband’s death and her reluctant place in the spotlight.
   "A normal day for us pretty much looks like it would have looked before Sept. 11," said Ms. Beamer. "I do the normal activities that all typical suburban moms do. But then I do abnormal things, like interviews or speaking at events. Those sorts of things are still happening to make our normal days abnormal."
   Ms. Beamer sat in a black, leather armchair in what used to be her husband’s office, with her 2-month-old daughter, Morgan Kay, propped up on her lap, curiously watching her mother’s actions with huge, blue eyes. The baby is named for her father, whose middle name was Morgan. Kay is Ms. Beamer’s middle name.
   The oldest of Ms. Beamer’s sons, David, 4, climbed on the back of his mother’s chair, making faces at his baby sister. Ms. Beamer’s other son, Drew, 2, played nearby.
   "You’re the older brother now Dave," Ms. Beamer said to her son. "Now you have to be big brother to Drew and Morgan. It’s a big job."
   "I need to keep an eye on those two," said David, giving his mother a huge grin as he ran off to play with his brother.
   Todd M. Beamer, 32, died Sept. 11 as a passenger of hijacked United Airlines Flight 93, which crashed in Somerset County, Pa.
   Evidence uncovered after the crash indicates that Mr. Beamer did not go quietly. According to a GTE supervisor that spoke to him for 13 minutes before the crash, Mr. Beamer was one of several passengers who fought the terrorists, causing the plane to crash before reaching its intended target.
   It is believed that his last words before the phone line went silent were, "Let’s roll." That phrase has since been become a rallying cry for the United States war against terror.
   "It sounds so strange now if I say those words and it used to sound so normal before," said Ms. Beamer. "But if Todd felt his actions in death had the power to encourage people to take action, then I think he would have been proud that his last words have been such an inspiration."
   These last words were immortalized by songwriter Neil Young, whose song, "Let’s Roll," tells the story of the ill-fated flight from Mr. Beamer’s perspective. The song, which rush-released as a single by Reprise Records in November, has garnered regular airplay on national radio stations and will be featured on Mr. Young’s forthcoming compact disc "Are You Passionate," slated for release in April.
   "I have never spoken to Neil Young and I have never heard the song, to tell you the truth," said Ms. Beamer.
   The Todd Beamer Foundation, a nonprofit charity set up shortly after the tragedy to benefit the families of victims, applied to copyright "let’s roll" in September to ensure that the sale of any products bearing that phrase would benefit victims of the tragedy rather than one individual looking to earn a buck.
   "It seems crass to make a profit on something like this," said Ms. Beamer. "All profits should go to someone who lost a loved one that day."
   One of the most difficult aspects of the Sept. 11 attacks is that the remains of some victims will never be recovered, making it difficult for families to truly say goodbye to their lost loved ones.
   The remains of Flight 93 victims, however, have been recovered and were returned to their families last week.
   "The investigators were able to find something from all of the victims of that crash," said Ms. Beamer, who plans to bury her husband’s remains in Brainerd Cemetery this spring. "They’ve done an excellent job trying to take care of the families and treat the remains at the site with respect."
   People will be able to pay their respects at the Todd Beamer Memorial, which will be built in Heritage Park next September by the Cranbury Lions Club
   "I am really pleased with what they came up with," said Ms. Beamer. "It seems like a fitting way to remember that day and Todd."
   Ms. Beamer said she was particularly pleased with the Lions’ decision to create a yearly memorial scholarship in her husband’s name for a high school senior in Cranbury.
   "Todd spent a lot of time with high school aged kids," said Ms. Beamer. "His passion was to make sure they were on the right foot as they entered adulthood. I know he would be proud to have a scholarship named after him."
   Ms. Beamer said she also is honored that the Cranbury Post Office has been rededicated the Todd M. Beamer Postal Facility in congressional legislation introduced by U.S. Rep Rush Holt, whose district includes Cranbury, that was passed in December.
   "Rush had called in the fall for my support," said Ms. Beamer. "I wanted to make sure first that people in Cranbury would support this action."
   Ms. Beamer said that no change will be made to the exterior of the post office. Rather, a plaque will be hung inside, commemorating Mr. Beamer’s heroic actions.
   In the past six months, Ms. Beamer has spoken on numerous talk and news shows, becoming almost a spokeswoman for Sept. 11 widows. She said, however, that this was not a role that she chose for herself.
   "I never sought the spotlight," said Ms. Beamer. "I don’t like to say I speak for anyone but myself. Each person has their own perspective. I speak for myself and if people have other platforms then that’s great for them."
   Despite her reluctance to be in the public eye, Ms. Beamer said it is important for people to hear her story in order to keep the events of Sept. 11 fresh in their memory.
   "It’s important for the country to see individuals directly affected by Sept. 11," said Ms. Beamer. "Our country should not be too quick to get back to normal life and cover up its pain. We need to remember what we need to do to not let this happen again. I don’t want to see someone with a similar story to me on television because the country became complacent."
   In the months following her husband’s death, Ms. Beamer said she has received an outpouring of support from family, friends and even complete strangers who were touched by her husband’s actions.
   Ms. Beamer said she has also joined a support group in Princeton that brings together people who lost loved ones in tragic events.
   But the biggest aid to her throughout the grieving process has been her faith.
   "The core of my support comes from my faith and the knowledge that God is in control and he knew what would happen on Sept. 11," said Ms. Beamer. "I know that he loves me and has a plan for me and my children. This is the core of what I revolve my life around. It gives me a bigger perspective than all of the little things that are sad."
   Ms. Beamer said the January birth of her daughter, Morgan, also brightened her spirits even though her husband was not present at the delivery as he had been for their two previous children.
   "Morgan was born very quickly and I was so surprised that she was a girl and had so much black hair," said the proud mother, gazing at her daughter. "The happiness I felt at that moment definitely outweighed any sadness even though there was some there. But I felt like Todd knew and he was happy."
   Due to the young ages of her children, Ms. Beamer has not been able to fully explain to them how their father died and what happened on that fateful Tuesday morning six months ago.
   "I don’t know when the best time will be to tell them the whole story," said Ms. Beamer, who plans to sit each child down when they are old enough to understand. "I don’t know what their reactions will be. I’m sure they will feel anger, pain and sadness, but I hope these feelings will evolve into being proud of what their father did."
   In the meantime, Ms. Beamer said she will try to keep photos and mementos of her husband around to constantly remind the children of who their father was.
   "I made them each a box of mementos," she said, gesturing to three containers of photos, letters and newspaper clippings. "I envision them each going through their box when they’re old enough."
   In the meantime, Ms. Beamer said she has devoted herself to being both mother and father to her children.
   "I have no agenda for the future," she said. "Raising my three children was a top priority before Sept. 11 and it is certainly a bigger job now than previously expected. I will take each day as it comes."