If at first you don’t secede …

GUEST OPINION, Jan. 24

By: Dawn Cariello
   The recent attempt by Millburn to secede from Essex County and join the more affluent Morris County started me thinking. Why don’t the two Princetons — borough and township — secede? Not from Mercer County, but from New Jersey.
   New Jersey needs Princeton more than Princeton needs New Jersey. Princeton has nobly tolerated this parasitic relationship for far too long. Enough is enough. The cold, hard reality is that New Jersey is dragging Princeton down. However unfair, New Jersey has a national image as a Mafia-infested, politically corrupt and environmentally challenged state filled with malls and big-haired women. This last perception is particularly painful, as there may be big heads in Princeton but certainly not big hair.
   Even worse, New Jersey is one of the most densely populated states. (Contrary to some opinions, this does not mean populated by people who are dense. That distinction is believed to be held by Mississippi.) Density translates to overcrowding and uncontainable sprawl.
   Princeton, on the other hand, has a prestigious, pristine reputation. It is internationally known and can stand alone as its own state. From a marketing perspective, Princeton has a high level of positive name recognition and brand equity. So, imagine if you will, a Princeton free from the baggage of New Jersey. The State of Princeton will have only one city, also called Princeton. (Think New York, New York). Rather than be redundant, this dual designation will serve to reinforce the power of the Princeton name.
   Every state has a motto and New Jersey’s is "Liberty and Prosperity." This can be usurped and altered to accurately reflect the aura of affluence that permeates Princeton. Thus, the motto for the State of Princeton will be: "Liberty, Prosperity, more Prosperity, oh and did we mention Prosperity?" Another strong contender is "Park free or die."
   A state nickname, insect and bird will also need to be selected. Sadly, there won’t be a state flower as the dreaded deer have foraged all the flora.
   Denizens of Princeton will receive all the benefits of statehood including congressional representation. In addition to two U.S. senators, Princeton will gain a voice in the House of Representatives. Since seats in the House are calculated based on population, Princeton will only be eligible for 1/64 of a congressperson. Perhaps the greatest advantage of this idea is that only people who actually live in Princeton will be able to use the highly coveted Princeton Zip Code.
   Granted there are downsides to being such a small state — a state so diminutive in dimensions that even Rhode Island could beat it in a war. Still, the status of statehood supercedes the side effects of smallness. For what Princeton lacks in proportion, it more than makes up for in profundity.
   The reality is that Princeton is already a world unto itself. Secession will only formalize this fact. Besides we already have a Governor’s Mansion.
Dawn Cariello lives in Montgomery but has — through no fault of her own — a Princeton mailing address.