Lessons apply beyond the family.
By: Paul Sisolak
PLAINSBORO In a society where violence is often glorified, family dysfunction is a TV staple and stress rules the lives of many, Naomi Drew believes that better parenting is the key to achieving peace, both in the family and the world outside.
Ms. Drew, an educator from Lawrence who specializes in family conflict resolution, visited the Town Center Elementary School on Tuesday evening to promote her new book, "Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World," and to conduct a workshop with parents of area children.
"We’re on this fast track, treadmill-like existence," said Ms. Drew, noting that even the rapid pace of what is considered a normal suburban lifestyle can take away from family time and peaceful parenting.
The workshop was held for parents only, most of whom have children who attend Town Center, Wicoff and Millstone River schools. Its purpose was to reinforce Ms. Drew’s belief that "home is the proving ground for the world."
Her philosophy is that parents can and should be good role models by first being conscious of teaching themselves the same types of qualities they would want their children to possess.
Ms. Drew led the audience of over 100 through some of the most important points in her new book, including what she said were the five keys for peaceful parenting. Setting fair and consistent standards in the household and devoting 20 uninterrupted minutes a day with one’s children were just some things she encouraged in her essential list.
Anger management was another important topic Ms. Drew discussed under her "Win/Win" guidelines for peaceful parenting. She engaged the audience in many exercises, one of which was to draw examples of affirmative comments a parent can direct to a child.
"Don’t meet anger with anger," she said.
When faced with a parent-child conflict in the grocery store, restaurant or the family car, Ms. Drew suggested a three-step process to handle the situation: stop, breathe and chill. Mental-calming statements, she said, are excellent techniques to eliminate negative communication and stress during a family dispute.
Using some insightful quotations on the overhead projector, Ms. Drew also performed a meditative exercise with the audience, suggesting that committing to journal writing, yoga and even prayer can broaden parents’ perspectives on educating their offspring about peace.
Her idea of peace is not an idealized one, she noted, but rather one that starts in small family units and carries over to the rest of the world in "positive ripples," both globally and inwardly. A propensity towards violence in our culture, along with terrorist attacks like that of Sept. 11, 2001, contribute to family discord, Ms. Drew added.
"Every action we do and every word we say," said Ms. Drew, "is like throwing a pebble into the pond of life." She asked the audience to imagine each family as a link to the rest of the world.
The program concluded with a book signing by Ms. Drew.
"Nobody is as perfect raising children as they need to be," said Michael Chunko, 44, of Plainsboro, who attended the session. "Every parent needs to check their skills." He found the meditation exercise "valuable."
Ms. Drew, who has authored four books, said that as a single parent, she used the same skills she teaches with her two sons, who are both adults now. For the title of her current book, she felt it necessary to use one of her favorite words hope.
"I think we need as many doses of hope as possible in this world," she said.
"Hope and Healing" can be purchased at Ms. Drew’s Web site, www.learningpeace.com.

