Talk to kids about unprotected sex.
By: Judy Shepps Battle
It’s no secret: Many teens are sexually active. Adolescence has always been a time of emerging sexuality.
Sex education classes are a standard part of most schools’ health curriculum, often in upper-elementary or middle school. Such programs generally promote abstinence as a value, but teach safe-sex techniques as a reality.
As a result, today’s teen is increasingly likely to postpone having sexual intercourse and, if sexually active, is fairly sophisticated about preventing pregnancy. He or she also is likely to have a healthy fear of acquiring HIV through unprotected sexual intercourse.
There is, however, growing evidence that adolescents are turning to another sexual behavior that avoids pregnancy risk, but which leaves them vulnerable to acquiring many sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.
That sexual behavior is oral sex.
Unprotected oral sex
According to a recently released Yale study of 10th grade students, adolescents report high rates of engaging in oral sex, having more oral sex partners than intercourse partners, and infrequent use of protection from sexually transmitted infections during oral sex.
Forty percent reported they had engaged in oral sex in the past year. There was no significant difference between boys’ and girls’ reports of sexual behavior. All youths were more likely to engage in oral sex than sexual intercourse.
And most of the adolescents who reported engaging in oral sex indicated that they had never used protection against sexually transmitted infections.
This failure to use condoms or dental dams (two effective means of protection against sexually transmitted infections) during oral sex is critical because more than three million American teens become infected with such diseases every year.
While the risk of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection through oral sex is substantially less than for other sexual behaviors, it is a significant mode of transmission for several bacterial and viral infections, including gonorrhea, herpes and chlamydia.
Why do teens engage in such a risky behavior?
To understand the answer to this question, it is important to look at what sexual activity means to a teen.
Peer influence
During adolescence the developmental stage between childhood and adulthood the opinions of friends assume great importance, as does being part of a group. Family values and peer values may conflict and a teen must learn to discern what is right for him or her.
The Yale researchers found that adolescents equate sexual behavior with being popular. More specifically, teens believe that the most popular students engage in oral sex. Even if a teen does not personally like a popular peer, they do respect his or her social status.
When faced with an actual sexual situation, a teen must weigh this peer value against an intellectual awareness that unprotected sex is risky. Understandably, this is a difficult process for many youngsters.
"Do I believe my friends who say that oral sex is safe?: asked Bob, a high school sophomore. "Or do I remember what I was taught in health classes about using protection at all times? Sometimes I have to make a fast decision and just can’t think."
Talk, talk, talk to your child
I asked Mark Sichel, CSW, noted New York psychotherapist and author of "Healing Family Rifts," how he would advise parents regarding the risks of sexually transmitted infections if their children engage in unprotected oral sex. His answer is twofold:
"First, knowledge and information is power. The earlier you start educating your children about the dangers of unprotected sex, and the more frequently you can weave it into the conversation, the greater chance this information will be understood by your kids. Talk, talk, talk with your children. They may not want to hear it, but they need to hear it.
"The second part of my advice is to know your child. Does he or she respond best to strong and rigid limits to behavior or does he or she respond best to being allowed greater autonomy and decision-making power? Treat your child as an individual and handle this issue and any others in an individualized way depending on your child’s unique make-up."
Helping your child make healthy and life-affirming choices with regard to sexual issues may involve keeping up to date on new forms of protection against sexually transmitted infections.
How can you do that? Talk to your doctor and read the health sections of your newspaper. Suggest to your town council that a public forum be held on this important subject.
Later, after the turbulent teen years pass, your young adult will thank you.
Judy Shepps Battle is a New Jersey resident, addictions specialist, consultant and freelance writer. She can be reached by e-mail at [email protected]. Additional information on this and other topics can be found at her Web site at www.writeaction.com.

