TANGENTS By John Saccenti You can’t escape the cell phone.
Disney’s new "Twice Upon a Christmas," appears to be basic holiday fare classic characters, laughs and a great lesson learned.
While it’s nice to see our old friends on the screen once again, I have to admit that seeing them rendered in computer animation is a bit striking. I’ve always been fond of the traditional hand-drawn method of animation, the kind that looks as though it was produced painstakingly and lovingly.
But none of that really matters. I’m in no position to judge. You see, I only watched a few seconds of the film. Through my windshield. At a red light.
Yep, there I was. The sun, as is its habit this time of year, had tucked itself into bed for the night relatively early, providing me with conditions perfect for viewing a movie via a DVD player hanging from the ceiling of a minivan in front of me.
"Awesome," I thought to myself.
Yes, who would not want one of these, a television in your car. Throw in a fridge which I’m sure is an option and I might never leave. I’ve already got several cup holders and a CD player. Crank up the heat, ease the seat back, and I’ll have the coziest of living spaces. How cool. A TV. In your car. Does it come with a remote?
Why, I remember the days when driving meant hours away from the old boob tube, sweaty fingers on the radio dial trying to tune in a far-off station clearly enough to hear a few bars of your favorite song, no cup holders and a clock you could hear ticking when the engine wasn’t running.
What were we thinking? What primordial ooze did we just climb out of? No TV in the car? No giant cup holders? Good lord, man.
Of course, if I ever get one of these heaven-sent extras I’ll have to discard my other most-used device of sloth, the cell phone. Really, who wants to be bothered when they’re in the middle of a movie.
Thank god we’ve evolved so quickly in so short a time. How would we stand the quiet of life if we didn’t have these things, cell phones jingling in our pants pockets and things called Blackberries (something I’m told is neither a berry nor a calculator, but is still, mysteriously, absolutely necessary).
It would be maddening. Imagine a world where someone couldn’t find you, or you didn’t have instant access to something you don’t actually need at that exact moment in your life. Imagine if we stopped making things that provided on-demand entertainment. Why even as I write this I have the Internet up on my computer, hoping for intellectual nirvana via someone blogging from their mother’s basement.
But we need more. I want global positioning software in my car so I never get lost (paper maps are so 20th century); and a microwave in my glove compartment. I need computer chips woven into my next spring jacket so I don’t get lost, hungry or lonely.
Do they have that? I want it, and you do, too. There’s no going back. We’re in the digital, fiber-optic, have-it-all-right-away-and-stick-it-in-your-pocket 21st century, and we’re all caught up in it. We have been since we bought that first cell phone plan, and splurged for that sleek Palm Pilot with visions of Capt. Kirk dancing in our heads.
I have to admit that I’m a little behind the times. Sure, I have one of those fancy new cell phones that can connect to the Internet. However, it’s not connected yet, chiefly because I’m too lazy to do whatever it takes to join that particular superhighway. Don’t they have a gadget that can do it for me? I also admit to not having call waiting on either my prehistoric land line or cell, something I may want to consider because there’s nothing like being annoyed by two people at the same time.
Or maybe I won’t do either. Nah. I don’t have any of this stuff for a reason. I already have too many people talking and screaming at me, and sometimes I don’t want to be found.
So I won’t be getting that silicon chip-lined coat that will make me feel like a cyber cowboy, and I will continue to not only misplace my cell phone, but forget to turn it on. And I’ll have as much peace and quiet as someone can possibly have these days.
I just hope I don’t get the urge to watch a movie while driving with a 32-ounce drink and my cell phone ringing.
John Saccenti is news editor of the South Brunswick Post and The Cranbury Press. He can be reached via e-mail at [email protected].

