KIDS AND COMMUNITY: It’s time to talk openly with teens about suicide

KIDS AND COMMUNITY By Judy Shepps Battle As a society, we cannot afford to turn our heads the other way.

   It always is a tragedy when a young person’s life is cut short through illness or accident. But it is especially painful when such a death involves suicidal intention.
   The recent death of 15-year-old Richard Peter VonDeesten — known as Rich to his friends — in South Brunswick is such an event. It has deeply touched the community.
   Rich was a passenger in a car driven by a 16-year-old friend, who police say intentionally crashed into a utility pole while driving at a very high speed. Middlesex County Assistant Prosecutor Nick Sewitch said the death was part of a suicide pact between the teens.
   The driver, Joshua Aanestad, was ejected from the vehicle upon impact and will be fine, physically. He has been charged with juvenile delinquency for a criminal offense, which would constitute murder if committed by an adult. The prosecutor’s office is still trying to determine whether to charge Joshua as an adult.
   Almost as shocking as the death itself is that neither the driver nor Rich fit the typical profile of intended or actual suicide victims. According to reports, Rich, in particular, was well liked, had a passion for golf and music, and didn’t appear to be in severe emotional distress.
Suicide does not fit a profile
   
But the unfortunate fact is that teen suicide does not follow a precise pattern, and even more unfortunately, it is not a rare event. Suicide is the third leading cause of death of young people 15 to 24 years old. (Only accidents and homicide have more fatal consequences.)
   And suicide attempts happen more frequently than the successful act. Alarmingly, more than one-third of 12 to 17 year olds attempted suicide in 2002. Little is known about the number of youngsters who think about killing themselves but who don’t act on these thoughts.
   What is known is that, in a room full of high school students, it is impossible to predict which youngsters are most likely to attempt suicide. And — as seen in the recent South Brunswick tragedy — this major gap in our professional knowledge can have devastating results.
Don’t ask, don’t tell
   
One reason a suicide often comes as such a surprise to the family and friends of the victim is that it is one of society’s silent taboos. It is rarely a topic of discussion at home or in school — unless a leading public figure or teen icon takes his or her life. Still, death among entertainers is often romanticized, as with the 1994 suicide of rock singer Kurt Cobain.
   For most of us, it simply is not common to ask teens if they are feeling depressed, or if they are thinking about suicide.
   Parents may not be comfortable broaching the subject with their teens, and schools usually offer little in the way of emotional instruction. The nature of feelings — from joy to sadness to despair — is not a significant part of any public school curriculum of which I am aware.
   And because we, as a society, tend to look the other way, rather than discussing all the emotions that surround suicide, youngsters lack the language to express warning signs of suicide.
   Similarly, students are not educated about depression and the role it plays in suicide attempts. The simple act of teaching middle and high school students to create a geneogram — a family history — of suicide and suicide attempts would allow this very important topic to come out of the mental health closet.
Taking action
   
Such instruction, however, involves bringing in mental health professionals as an integral part of a school system.
   Counselors and emotional educators are needed to teach such classes, from preschool through high school, and the development of such a curriculum would provide ample opportunities for students to talk about suicidal feelings with their families, rather than acting them out in lethal and non-lethal ways.
   Perhaps our government could redirect its obvious passion for righting international wrongs toward supporting domestic research on recognizing potential teen suicide victims, as well as allocating funds for programs that both prevent and treat suicidal ideation.
   Am I asking for federal funding of such projects? Yes.
A costly but wise investment
   
However costly, it would be a wise investment of tax dollars. Not only might we be able to prevent the tragic death of other youngsters like Rich VonDeesten and the lifelong scarring of suicide survivors, but we also can address the hopelessness and helplessness that lead youth to make such lethal choices.
   We can begin this process by getting to know where our elected representatives stand on financing research, prevention and treatment of mental-health issues in youth. I urge you to ask our politicians the hard questions about creating a healthier America for our kids, and require them to have concrete action plans as the price for getting re-elected.
   Remember, our government has the ability to achieve any goal it chooses. As citizens, it is up to us to help ensure wise choices.
   In the memory of all youngsters who have thought of or attempted suicide, let us firmly commit to such vigilance.
Judy Shepps Battle is a New Jersey resident, addictions specialist, consultant and freelance writer. She can be reached by e-mail at [email protected]. Additional information on this and other topics can be found at her Web site at www.writeaction.com.