POCKETS OF NEED: Single mother looking for a place to raise her children.
By: Elaine Worden
All she wants is a place for her children to call home. A place that, no matter how old they are, they can always come back and know it’s theirs. It doesn’t have to be anything too fancy, a small townhouse with three bedrooms, a place for two children and their mother.
"People don’t believe how basic and simple I am," said the woman, who asked that her name be withheld. "People who know me don’t understand how I can be happy just being with my kids."
Petite, with glossy, black shoulder-length hair, she speaks eloquently, annunciating every word that escapes her lips.
A single mother, she is raising an 18-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son. They are the most important people in her life, and she works hard to make sure she spends as much time with them as possible.
But, a little over a month ago she was forced to leave her apartment because she had fallen behind on bills and couldn’t afford to pay the rent.
"It was just something that had been going on for a couple of months, but I could never catch up," she said.
The three are now living in a one-bedroom hotel room in town, and they’ll stay there until she can find a better place to live.
"It’s good for now," she said. "I know it needs to end."
To help her, a concerned friend has initiated a collection through the South Brunswick Community Relief Fund, run through the South Brunswick PBA. Donations will be forwarded to the family in the hope that they will be able to find a place of their own, and soon.
Already working 40 hours a week at her full-time job, she has decided to pick up a part-time job, and now works between 60 to 65 hours a week. But it’s still a struggle to make ends meet.
"Even with the part-time job it’s still not matching up," she said.
With an older car, she worries every day when she puts her key into the ignition that it won’t start. Although she has managed to make several repairs, she says she needs a new one.
In addition, after going through a messy divorce five years ago, she has a restraining order against her ex-husband.
"There was a lot of verbal abuse, a lot of threats," she said.
With her ex-husband attempting to get sole custody of her children, she knew there was only one thing to do.
"I knew the best thing to do was to sever all ties," she said.
Since she and her children have lived in South Brunswick, they have lived in four different homes.
"We moved quite often after we moved here," she said.
Born and raised in the Bronx, N.Y., she decided to move to South Brunswick approximately 16 years ago when her daughter reached school age.
Opting to keep her job in New York City, she would commute from South Brunswick every day.
"It was a nice ride, but it was a long ride," she said.
Hopping on the train every morning at 6, she arrived at work at 7 a.m., leave at 4 p.m., catch the 4:30 train home, arrive back in Central Jersey around 5:30 and then rush to pick up her daughter from day care at 6 p.m.
After staying with that job for about five years, she decided to look for something closer to home.
Not interested in dating or going out, whatever free time she finds, she spends with her children.
"I don’t want to be one of those parents who leave their kids home alone," she said.
Her time management is impeccable every spare minute, down to the second, is spent trying to be with her kids during the week, and she tries to spend at least one full day with her children.
But with all of the hours she works, it’s hard to find that time. But still, she finds it.
"Sometimes they say they want to spend more time, and then I have to make it," she said.
Every night before bedtime, the three have a special moment. They share cups of tea and chat about anything and everything before they drift off to sleep. When the weather is nice they like to spend a lot of time outdoors, but they also go to the movies every once in a while.
A family that is active in their religion, they enjoy Sundays together at church.
Smiling, she explains how her children get so excited over going to church that some days they will beg her to go.
Church provides a place of sanctuary for her and her family a place that doesn’t make them focus on the things they don’t have. For that brief moment in time, they are at peace.
"I don’t think about anything that’s going on, and I just focus on my relationship with God," she said.
She often worries about how the situation will affect her children.
"Whatever damage I’ve done, not that I can undo it, I can fix it and make it better," she said.
Her children, although doing well in school and hardworking, have never really had their own room to hang out in, to bring friends home to and to play games in.
"I just want to make sure they’re better individuals," she said.
She worries that her eldest may feel the burdens of being a parent because she takes care of her little brother while their mother is at work.
"She’s a very good person and I’m very proud of her," she said. "I look at that and I realize I’m doing something right."
But all she can hope for now is for a way to find a place to live.
"When you see people that are living in the street, you think, ‘If they really wanted to do better, they could,’ " she said, explaining that after having gone through this experience, she’s realized that it’s not always apathy or laziness that leaves a person struggling or homeless. "You can still try and still have a goal, but have things still not work out."
And out of everything she could possibly have in the world, all she wants is simplicity. A car, a home a place to be.
"A simple, basic home, probably a townhouse, just to be able to sit and have peace of mind," she said. "And that would make me happy."
Donations may be sent to the South Brunswick Community Relief Fun, c/o S.B. PBA Local 166, P.O. Box 45, Monmouth Junction, N.J. 08852.

