TANGENTS By John Saccenti Place the blame on someone else.
One of the best-known facts of life is that unfortunate things can happen to the best of folks.
Being me, and knowing myself best, I find that many of these unfortunate things happen to me more than they do others.
Take pop singer Ashlee Simpson. This poor girl was all set to perform on "Saturday Night Live" when a technical snafu left her without background music to lip-sync to. The result was what has been described as a hoedown, with Ms. Simpson shuffling off the stage as quickly as possible to hide her embarrassment.
You may feel bad for this girl, whose career appears to be based on the same smoke-and-mirrors marketing campaign that for years has cranked out an endless line of artists unhindered by talent.
But before you shed any tears for her, consider my plight. Before that moment, I had been blissfully unaware of Ms. Simpson’s existence. But thanks to this unfortunate event, my reality now includes not only knowledge of her, but also of her sister, older and less hip I’m told, whose popularity seems based on beauty and stupidity.
See what I mean, unfortunate things happen to good people namely, me.
It’s what I like to call the "poor me" card. You know, "poor me, that guy just cut me off?" or, "Poor me, now I have to be annoyed by Ashley and Jessica Simpson."
It’s a fun game to play, and for me it works best in the confines of my car or living room. "Poor me, no one loves me. Everybody hates me." This game also works well on television a stage I would never consider getting on.
Bill O’Reilly of Fox News plays this game as well as anyone. Consider this: He is a very wealthy man, has his own television show, his own radio show, his own Web site, several books in publication and an audience of millions. Yet, rarely does a week go by where he doesn’t claim to be a victim of an organized campaign to slander, slime and destroy.
Poor him. Oh, and poor me, because I have to listen to it. (Yes, I have to listen. I am required by law to listen to the pleas of the oppressed, so Mr. O’Reilly is on my television a little bit each week.)
The "poor me" card is best played regularly, but not too often, lest you get the reputation of whiner, a title no one wants. You must pick your spots. Be judicious.
More often than not, I find myself playing the "poor me" card when I’ve done something wrong an exceptionally rare occurrence, I know, but not unheard of, and actually less rare than I’m implying here.
As a result, if you have ever asked me, you would think that I have worked for no one but incompetent, mean-spirited people my entire life. "Poor me, I wouldn’t have had to steal toilet paper if my boss paid me more," or "poor me, if my boss didn’t work me so hard, I wouldn’t have had to sleep at my desk all day."
Of course, playing the victim only works when you choose to momentarily ignore certain things, such as the fact that I could turn MTV off and not watch Ms. Simpson, or flip off Fox News and get back to watching the Food Network, or that I was making long-distance phone calls all day and deserved to be fired … never mind.
But no, admitting fault wouldn’t be any fun. So let’s get together and play the victim. Let’s deflect all feelings of guilt and shame onto someone else by playing "poor me."
Here, I’ll get us started. I blame this column on the fact that no one did anything I think is interesting, that it’s not summer, and on Ashlee Simpson.
Of course, if you’re playing at home, you probably should just blame this column on me.
John Saccenti is news editor of the South Brunswick Post and The Cranbury Press. He can be reached via e-mail at [email protected].

