GUEST COLUMN
By Sheryl Stone
Over 125 parents and staff enjoyed three different presentations by psychologist Rob Evans on April 25.
His focus on what really matters in our family life and his engaging, humorous style nurtured every parent and educator who heard him during the course of his day-long visit to Princeton Academy and Hopewell Valley.
His message centered on three core ideas nurture, structure and latitude as fundamental skills for successful parenting. The audience laughed knowingly when he started by saying that two statements we all remember hearing in our own childhood "No you can’t" and "Yes, you must" are no longer statements we can assume children have ever heard and that they have become the start of negotiations rather than parental boundaries.
He went on to say that good parenting is simple and within everyone’s reach. Our culture has devalued common-sense wisdom that has stood the test of time. As expectations rise for ourselves and our children, our confidence is shaken and we hesitate to follow our instincts. We need to "be" with children, not just criticize and work to improve them. Those instantaneous, unplanned moments that become unforgettable memories are family treasures.
He encouraged parents to remember there are lots of paths to leading a successful, fulfilled life. What we do is not nearly as important as who we are. All children need to learn two things how to solve problems and how to build relationships. These are the experiences that build self-esteem.
He reminded the audience that children have their fragile moments, but in general they are much more resilient than we are. Our efforts to bubble-wrap them and solve their problems for them keeps them from the experience of loss, disappointment and failure that build character and give them the confidence to be capable problem-solvers.
As parents we need to provide "just enough" nurture, structure and latitude, giving children room to grow, learn and develop from their own experiences and relationships. Echoing the asset-building work of the Hopewell Valley Municipal Alliance, he said it’s a lot easier to raise a child when the community is working together. In our families and our community we need to revisit the underlying values and assumptions we share and build on those strengths.
The day was cosponsored by Princeton Academy, Hopewell Valley Regional School District with special financial support from Hopewell Valley Central High School PTO, Hopewell Elementary PTO, Hopewell Valley Foundation (which funded a stipend for elementary teachers to hear Mr. Evans) and the Hopewell Valley Municipal Alliance.
Prior to his visit, the School Sector of the Municipal Alliance (parents, teachers and administrators) read the book together. The book also was given to all administrators in the district and to members of the school board to read. The book, "Family Matters," is available in all public and school libraries in Hopewell Valley and is available for purchase in the Alliance office at the Hopewell Township Municipal Building in the Health Department.
Mr. Evans will be returning to Hopewell Valley on May 27 to visit again with parents, and then to work with Child Study Teams and counselors in the district. After lunch with the school board and district administrators, he will give an in-service presentation to all staff of the Timberlane Middle School and Central High School.
We all look forward to his return!