Rolling out the welcome mat to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and the transgendered
By: Marjorie Censer
Paul Raeder used to attend church at Christmas and Easter. Since joining Trinity Church’s chapter of Integrity USA a national organization for outreach to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Episcopalians he and his partner have attended more frequently.
Mr. Raeder moved to Princeton just a year and a half ago, and none of his previous churches had Integrity chapters. Now, Mr. Raeder, who serves as the Trinity group’s president, says he feels like he’s more a part of the church.
At times, homosexuality and religion seem in opposition. Some of the more conservative Protestant denominations believe that homosexuality itself is unnatural and a sin. The Roman Catholic Church differentiates between homosexual thoughts and homosexual behavior, considering the latter a sin. But many Princeton-area churches have made opening their doors to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and the transgendered a priority.
One example can be found at the entrance to the Christ Congregation church on Walnut Lane, where a photo sits framed by two certificates. In the photo, five children dance in the church at its recent 50-year celebration. The Rev. Jeffrey Mays, the church’s pastor, says he likes the joy of the children in the photo. He also likes the diversity pictured in the children a black girl in a pink dress hugging a curly-haired blond girl, an Asian girl clutching a stuffed animal next to them.
The photo is fitting in its place between the two certificates both affirming the church’s commitment to welcoming gays, lesbians and bisexuals to the church. Affiliated with the United Christ Church and the American Baptist Church, Christ Congregation voted to assume the official statutes of both churches and received the certificates in 1997. It was a unanimous vote by the congregation after nearly a year of discussion, the Rev. Mays says.
In its discussions, the church’s members explore the Bible and share their personal experiences. The Rev. Mays says one slogan from the Reformation helped them to arrive at their decision: "The church reformed and always reforming."
The congregation is small, never more than 125 members at any time, but the vote was a strong statement. Each congregation affiliated with the American Baptist Church or United Christ Church is autonomous; its members can decide the stances of the church. The Rev. Mays says Christ Congregation is one of 10 New Jersey churches to adopt the "Open and Affirming" position as it’s called by the United Church of Christ and one of three New Jersey churches to adopt the "Welcoming and Affirming" position as it’s titled by the American Baptist Church.
The Rev. Mays says he’s glad his church made the choice it did, but he understands why other churches might not take such a stance. He says that he doesn’t think those churches are unwelcoming to gays, lesbians or bisexuals.
"It’s just like a huge rock. It’s so controversial, and often, they just don’t want to go through some of that struggle at that time," he says.
The Rev. Forrest Gilmore of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Princeton says his church is another example of a church that’s standing at the forefront of gay and lesbian rights.
"Our basic sense is that homophobia is the sin, not homosexuality," the Rev. Gilmore says.
In 2002, the congregation unanimously passed a resolution that titled it a "Welcoming Congregation," part of a program undertaken by the national church in 1989.
According to the Princeton congregation’s Web site, the program was instituted after a 1987 committee found that many gays, lesbians and bisexuals felt "unaffirmed, unwelcomed, and unsupported in their liberal religious communities."
The Princeton congregation formed a Welcoming Congregation Committee in the fall of 2000 and adopted the resolution two years later.
Both the Rev. Gilmore and the Rev. Mays emphasize that the title does not change the way the churches operate; as they see it, they were always welcoming. But the title does increase awareness of the importance of welcoming all, they say.
"It’s a more intentional and open way," the Rev. Gilmore says.
Although some area churches have formed support groups for gay and lesbian congregants, the Rev. Gilmore says such groups are unnecessary in the Unitarian Church.
"Gay and lesbian congregants are so a part of the culture that they don’t need a group," he says. "If people wanted it, we would. … We haven’t felt a need."
String of Pearls Congregation, the Jewish Reconstructionist congregation in Princeton, also welcomes lesbians and gays, but does not have a special group, because of the congregation’s size. Lisa Levine, a member of that congregation, says the group is very inclusive. She said the congregation of 55 to 60 families was established in 1991 and has few specialty groups such as a group for gays because it is so small.
Though the national organization was founded in 1974, Trinity’s chapter of Integrity the Episcopalian group was formed in the late fall of 2004, after several members of the congregation went to a Trinity meeting at a church in Philadelphia, Mr. Raeder says.
"It’s about time," he says. "There was a critical mass of enough of us in the church."
Now, the monthly meetings host roughly a dozen congregants though Mr. Raeder says as many as two dozen have attended at some point. Meetings begin with communion and then members have discussions. At several meetings, the group talked about the book "This Far by Grace: A Bishop’s Journey Through Questions About Homosexuality" by J. Neil Alexander.
The Rev. Mary Jean Metzger serves as clergy contact to the group. She says the church has always been welcoming.
"We’re just beginning" this group, she says. "I think the spirit for this has been here."
At Nassau Presbyterian Church, Promises the gay and lesbian fellowship group has been meeting for nine years, says Associate Pastor Lauren McFeaters.
The Rev. McFeaters says the group, one more example among many in the Princetons, was created as a partnership between Nassau Presbyterian and Ewing Presbyterian churches and was the creation of pastors who wanted to support their gay and lesbian congregants.
The fellowship meets once a month for a potluck dinner. The Rev. McFeaters says the number of attendees ranges from 15 to 50 at each meeting. She said the church has many small groups for its members.
"I’ve never felt that Nassau is special when it comes to this," she says. "It’s so important to us that we honor all people, because that’s what God asks of us and what we’re called to do. That’s what this congregation is about."