Being a first-time grandparent is a wondrous and scary thing! Being a third-time grandparent is also a wondrous and scary thing! It doesn’t matter that my husband and I raised our own children and that they turned into caring concerned adults as well as loving parents. It doesn’t that matter that our children chose spouses who have become a truly special part of the family. What matters is that once again there are little ones who look at us with love in their eyes and expect that we will know the right thing to do under all circumstances. Build a castle with blocks and make it strong enough to withstand a little sister Grandmom can do it. Need an extra hug because the new teeth hurt Pop-Pop will make it all better.
As grandparents involved with our grandchildren’s lives we sometimes wish for the "old days" when things seemed less complicated. We have a choice. We can continue to live in the past or we can embrace the world our grandchildren live in and make an effort to be informed about their lives.
As the executive director of PEI Kids, a Lawrence-based nonprofit agency that provides prevention, education and intervention programs for Mercer County children and their families, I know that our grandchildren face different circumstances than our children did when they were being raised. Violent messages abound on TV, in video games, and movies. Many children arrive at school having been exposed a myriad of violent images. Many then try to imitate what they have seen resulting in hurt feelings and sometimes hurt bodies. Lessons of cooperation, communication and empathy sometimes seem impossible to impart.
As grandparents not involved in the day-to-day child rearing we have a unique opportunity to be a "safe place." A place where a child has the opportunity to play without violence, to receive special attention, a place words are greeted with love and hugs, and a place where parents can receive respite help from the day-to-day living. With hope, our special time gives us an opportunity to reinforce the difference make-believe and reality, and demonstrate the importance of values and respect while recognizing the uniqueness of each grandchild.
To offer this "safe place," we need to educate ourselves to the realities of our grandchildren’s lives. We need to listen to their fears and concerns and give them opportunities to create their own solutions. We should consistently work to help build their self-confidence while also helping them to understand that their friends and classmates have right to feel good about themselves. We should continue to educate ourselves about the joys and challenges of raising children in today’s environment. We also must take time to understand the world of our grandchildren’s parents.
Grandparents have a unique opportunity to provide support to the children we love. We can help our grandchildren develop ways of interacting with other children by play acting situations in their lives.
As I look back over my child raising years, I recall that my mom, who lived, hundreds of miles away, forged a bond with our sons that distance never broke. Her gentle firmness and unconditional love provided the model that helped them become the parents they are today. It is my wish that my mom’s example will serve me well as I grandparent the three special little ones my life.
ACT NOW is a monthly column written by members of the Adults and Children Together – Against Violence Coalition. Its goal is to help disseminate information about an d contained within the ACT program.
Evelyn Gill, a Lawrence resident, is the executive director of PEI Kids.
PEI Kids was founded as a private nonprofit organization in 1985 to meet the growing need for education, intervention and training programs relating to children’s personal safety and child sexual abuse. Today, PEI Kids offers a comprehensive array of children’s services in Mercer County. Contact P EI Kids at (609) 695-3739 or through the Web site, www.peikids.org.

