Author gets attention without hitting her sister

Book stresses ways to get a parent’s attention.

By: Jessica Beym
   Children crave attention. But the ways in which they go about getting it are not always positive.
   When her son was a toddler, Cranbury resident Eileen Kennedy-Moore began to notice a pattern in his behavior. Daniel, a middle child, would hit his sister to get his mother’s attention.
   To create peace in their home and to help her children get along, Ms. Kennedy-Moore created a simple flip-book of index cards. It was filled with pictures of different, positive ways to get her attention and she gave it to her son.
   "He would flip through and pick the different options, trying every one in the book. It’s about giving kids choices, rather than rules," said Ms. Kennedy-Moore, a psychologist and mother of four who moved from Westville to Cranbury with her family in August.
   This month, that simple idea is hitting the shelves of local book stores as a children’s book called "What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention Without Hitting Your Sister."
   The book, which is filled with colorful pictures and easy-to-read lines, is designed for kids ages 3 through 8 and offers kind, helpful and creative ways for children to get their parents’ attention.
   But the book is also a tool that can help parents recognize the positive acts their children do to gain their attention.
   "Attention is a real need for kids and that shouldn’t be ignored. (In the book) they can find a way that feels right to them and they will see that they get a better response from their parents that way," said Ms. Kennedy-Moore.
   As a way to promote her new book and offer advice to families, Ms. Kennedy-Moore spoke Tuesday at the Cranbury School about ways to help siblings get along.
   "If you have two or more children, they are going to squabble. It’s just a fact of nature," said Ms. Kennedy-Moore, who discussed how to help prevent the kids from fighting such as giving them space, anticipating problems and emphasizing positive attention.
   But every fight can’t be avoided and even though the sound of bickering can be irritating to parents, Ms. Kennedy-Moore said, sometimes it’s best for parents to let the kids work it out alone.
   According to Ms. Kennedy-Moore, some of the smaller squabbles, such as "Why does she always get to use the yellow cup?" or "He’s breathing on me!" is an opportunity for children to learn how to deal with other people, how to negotiate and compromise, and how to defend their turf.
   "Learning to get along with other people is the best thing to teach our kids. It’s a lifelong skill that will affect them in their personal and professional future relationships," she said.
   Ms. Kennedy-Moore said parents should look for repetitive situations to teach their children new skills.
   "If parents step in too quickly, the kids lose the opportunity to figure it out on their own," she said.
   Family dynamics is just one area that this psychologist is skilled in. Ms. Kennedy-Moore said she likes to work with mothers, and focuses on coping, emotions and relationships.
   Ms. Kennedy-Moore has a doctorate in psychology from Stonybrook University in New York and an undergraduate degree from Northwestern University in Illinois. She is the co-author of two other books, "The Unwritten Rules of Friendship" and "Expressing Emotion" and is working on having two other books published.
   While living in Westville, she owned her own practice. Once her husband, Tony Moore, and her family — Mary, 13, Daniel, 10, Sheila, 7, and Brenna, 4 — has settled in Cranbury, she said she hopes to open up her own business again.
   In addition to speaking at the Cranbury School, she has also given discussions at schools in East Windsor, the Plainsboro Library, local Barnes and Noble bookstores and other various parenting workshops in Westville.
   "What About Me?" published by Parenting Press is available for $14.95 on www.parentingpress.com and the author’s Web site at www.eileenkennedymoore.com.