Devout but different during the holidays

Interfaith couple blends traditions

By: Kip Berman
   HAMILTON — Susan Katz grew up in a very devout, Roman Catholic home, where she never missed Mass for any reason.
   Martin Katz grew up in a decidedly less observant Jewish family, but became progressively more religious as he grew older.
   After 20 years together, of which they have been married 13, both are still as committed to their respective faiths — and each other.
   And the upcoming holidays don’t present them or their children with any significant conflict.
   "Our traditions have evolved," said Ms. Katz, a former computer technician and programmer for Educational Testing Service in Lawrence. "We celebrate Hanukkah and each of our children get one gift a night for eight days. But we also recognize Christmas and often have a tree and hang stockings."
   The couple have two children: a 22-year-old daughter from Susan’s previous marriage, who has been raised Catholic, and their 10-year-old son, Daniel, who has been raised Jewish.
   But far from a source of contention, the respect they have for their differing religious traditions has helped define their marriage and family.
   Their daughter, Kristen, always helps to iensure that the family’s kitchen is kept kosher while Mr. Katz recognizes that despite all the present controversy concerning holiday/Christmas trees, a tastefully decorated evergreen in his living room is, ultimately, "just a tree."
   Ms. Katz regularly attends Daniel’s Hebrew lessons at Beth El Synagogue in East Windsor and keeps kosher, while Daniel hangs a blue and white stocking during Hanukkah.
   Making things easier has been the support of both their families.
   "Our families feel that religion is our business," said Ms. Katz. "They’re happy that we have a loving relationship and they’ve been very supportive."
   Mr. Katz agreed.
   "They’re very happy our love is so strong and that we have a genuine respect for each other," he said
   Of course, not every issue in their daily confluence of faith is readily understood. Noting the religious and gender divide of his family, a 5-year-old Daniel once asked his father, "Let me get this straight — all boys are Jewish and all girls are Christian?"
   His observation was understandably inaccurate. Yet it carried a matter-of-fact understanding of religion, like gender, as something you’re born into — and his mother doesn’t disagree.
   "I don’t feel comfortable with a child determining what they are going to be," said Ms. Katz. "Faith and prayer are very important. … Ultimately, we all pray to the same God."
   So uncomfortable, in fact, that she preferred her son to be raised Jewish, knowing that strict religious structures would guide his development, rather than let Daniel decide his own spiritual path — a path that may have ultimately proven to be the same as her own.
   As for whether she feels prioritizing the structure of religion over the particular religion itself is in conflict with her own values as a Catholic, Ms. Katz was quick to point out the shared heritage of both faiths.
   "The Old Testament is part of my religion too, so I don’t feel I’m going against my beliefs," she said. "I still go to Mass for my spirituality, but I also go to synagogue to support my family and for social gatherings.
   And though she sees several similarities between her Italian heritage and Judaism, namely the importance of family and food, she says she’d love Martin regardless of his religious convictions — "even if he was purple."
   Mr. Katz, vice president of Princeton Junction Engineering, is very grateful for his wife’s accommodation and devotion.
   "I don’t think I could have done it (raising a child in another faith). It’s very generous of Susan to allow us to do what we do," he said.
   He also notes how wonderful Beth El Synagogue, especially Rabbi Kornsgold, has been in their welcoming Susan.
   "Susan is very active in the synagogue, and Rabbi Kornsgold never hesitates to include our entire family, Mr. Katz said.
   Judging by the mutual respect these two have for each other and the care they’ve taken to maintain their personal faiths in the context of raising a family, it’s clear that the couple will have a very happy holiday.
   Make that two happy holidays.