Or else

On Point

By: Linda McCarthy
   It’s finally happened. We have politically corrected ourselves into a corner.
   The other day my friend told her daughter, "Pick up your toys or else." To which her precocious 10-year-old responded, "If you threaten me again I’ll call the cops."
   Whoa! What happened to the good old days when a vague "or else" was not considered cruel and unusual punishment?
   When I was a kid "or else" generally handled any situation. My mom used it often and she never had to qualify the threat with an actual consequence.
   We knew it could mean anything and filling in the blank ourselves was probably worse than whatever she could come up with. The thought of our social life coming to a screeching halt was terrifying. Turning our whole weekend into a house cleaning fest always loomed overhead or, worse yet, the risk of no dinner, no dessert? No way!
   Occasionally the "or else" meant her shoe flying down the hall to peg whoever was causing the most trouble. I’m still amazed at her distance and accuracy. Today, that is called abuse. Back then it was just an attention-getter.
   My husband had eight brothers and three sisters. There were plenty of attention-getters in his house. The standard response to most infractions was "a tap in the mouth." This is a quick little back hand in response to back talk, foul language or just because you were within reach. Today, DYFS would be called; back then it was a way to let 12 kids know who was in charge and what was expected of them.
   My friend Colleen’s mother, on the other hand, had a real flair for language. I describe it as colorful. However, today she would most likely be brought up on charges. She was the nicest woman in the world until you made her mad. Then the threats would flow with the intensity of Niagara Falls. She had five daughters and she used to say in her heavy Irish brogue, "Remember what happened when your bother mouthed off?"
   The girls would counter with, "But we don’t have a brother."
   Exactly.
   Another good one was, "Hit your sister again and I’ll take your arm off and hit ya with the stump." She wasn’t talking to me but I stopped hitting my sister.
   My favorite was, "Stick your tongue out again and I’ll tie it in a knot." (I confess I’ve used this one myself.) Once she was out shopping and she told her youngest to stay seated in the carriage or "I’ll smack you." A well meaning shopper overheard her and admonished her choice of words. To which she responded, "Mind your business, woman or I’ll smack you, too." Of course, all of her rantings were more bluster than substance but today it would constitute verbal abuse; back then it was just a friendly warning.
   My friend Kathleen’s mom used a different approach. There were nine kids in that family. When they got out of hand her mother wouldn’t verbally threaten. She would pile them all in the car, drive 10 miles to the state youth correctional facility and tell them to "Get out!" A bit dramatic but highly effective.
   I’m not saying I condone the disciplinary actions of the past generation — but there is something to be said for the respect children gave their elders. And I guess we all turned out normal to some degree. No one would ever think of calling the police for being told to pick up their toys; but it was a simpler time. There were no visible signs of gang activity, unless you count large Irish families. There were no guns in school or terrorist attacks. There were no seminars on how to handle bullying. One good "or else" took care of everything.
   Linda McCarthy resides in Robbinsville with her husband and three children.