A cast including Tim Allen and Chevy Chase struggles valiantly to wade through material that doesn’t necessarily appeal to any age group.
By: Bob Brown
Adam Rifkin and David Berenbaum’s screenplay, directed by Peter Hewitt (The Borrowers), seems aimed squarely at 12-year- olds. But, adjusting for windage, it hits well below the mark and misses the target completely. The filmmakers have broken the golden rule of moviemaking for any age group: Thou shalt not bore. And that it does. Wit, imagination, suspense, what are they? The filmmakers have little clue. The cast struggles valiantly to wade through the material, but it defeats them.
For what it’s worth, Zoom is a comic-book superhero who can run very, very fast. At least he used to be. Today, he’s Jack Shepard (Tim Allen), a grease monkey in a Southern California auto shop. Jack has grown a beard, a potbelly and a devil-may-care attitude that is decidedly un-super. (There’s a strong resemblance to a used-to-be comedian who used to be funny, Tim Allen.)
But once a superhero, always a superhero. Despite reverting back to basic Jack, Zoom cannot escape his past. The world needs a new superhero team to combat the evils once fought by Zoom’s old busted-up gang they were defeated by Jack’s evil brother, Connor (a superhero named Concussion, because that’s what he gave people). And Jack er, Zoom is just the man to train new superheroes-to-be at a secret superhero academy.
After picking four likely candidates (how hard can it be the place is run by Dr. Grant, a bloated Chevy Chase) and training them, the mission to save the world from impending doom is stuck. You know the film is in trouble when Jack sees Dr. Grant for the first time in 30 years and gasps, "You got old." Indeed, Chase no longer resembles the man who starred in National Lampoon’s Vacation. For that matter, Tim Allen’s natural contour no longer needs the prosthetics that made him corpulent in The Santa Clause. He could play it au naturel.
There are many problems with this film, but there’s one major one: the filmmakers didn’t figure out how to get from plot point A to plot point B. By far the larger part of the movie is spent following a rag-tag band through a superhero training school that appears to have been filmed on a set left over from Star Trek the original TV version, that is.
There’s no lack of talent in the cast, however. The four young heroes are Tucker Williams/Mega Boy (Spencer Breslin), who can expand his body at will; Summer Jones/Wonder (Kate Mara), who can mentally levitate objects; Dylan West/Houdini (Michael Cassidy), who can make himself invisible; and Cindy Collins/Princess (Ryan Newman), who has super strength.
All of these young actors are experienced and charming. Breslin comes from an acting family. His younger sister, Abigail, is currently starring in Little Miss Sunshine. Mara had a very affecting role as Alma, Ennis’ daughter, in Brokeback Mountain. Cassidy has made recurring appearances on The O.C. Newman is a bright young actress who shows intelligence, even in a role that allows little room for interpretation.
Other notable stars are Courteney Cox, who plays a wide-eyed, hero-worshipping lab assistant, and Rip Torn as a gruff military officer who wants to boost the kids’ super powers with Gamma ray treatments. But that’s what led to the problem in the first place, when Connor/Concussion was given a Gamma overdose that turned him to the dark side. (Being on the dark side means your irises turn blood-red and you stare menacingly. There must be a Visine for that.)
Normally, a film like this would have dazzling special effects. Those, too, are a tad lame. A flying saucer that must have been taken out of mothballs from The Day the Earth Stood Still is the superheroes’ craft, but it isn’t even inter-planetary.
What should be the exciting climax of the film seems hastily tacked on and too quickly resolved. Not to spoil the plot, but Connor’s irises turn back to their normal baby blue (by golly, there was a Visine for that).
If you haven’t walked out of the theater before the credits roll, the outtake scenes tacked on are revealing. They’re a peep into movie culture, where the cast members let their hair down. The actors fluff lines, they goof around during takes and they show what they really think. Chase keeps urging his fellow actors to chant a scatological ditty along with him. And why not? One of Hewitt’s previous projects was Thunderpants, about an 11-year-old boy whose amazing ability to break wind leads him to jail and then to a career as an astronaut. Zoom is yet another real stinker.
Rated PG for brief rude humor, language and mild action.