Trying to stop bullying

Author speaks to Cranbury youths about abuse

By: Lacey Korevec
   Forty-two-year-old Jodee Blanco tries to keep the pain from her past fresh.
   Her memories of being excluded, physically abused, teased and ostracized by her classmates, to the point where she would wake up in the morning wishing she were sick and could stay home from school, have become her motivation for addressing bullying at schools all over the nation, including Cranbury School.
   "I was the school outcast from fifth grade through the end of high school," she said. "I was the kid that everyone made fun of. I was tormented and shunned simply for being different, as millions of other kids are today."
   On Monday, Ms. Blanco, now a New York Times best-selling list author for her memoir "Please Stop Laughing at Me," will talk to Cranbury students, teachers and parents about her experiences and shed a new light on a serious subject that many cast aside as simply "kids being kids."
   The event is part of Violence Vandalism Awareness Week and was coordinated by the PTO, with help from Cranbury School, Cranbury Education Foundation, Cranbury Lions Club, Cranbury Board of Health and Cranbury Fraternal Order of the Police, PTO President Toni Coleman said.
   Since the 2003 release of her book, Ms. Blanco has worked full time during September through May giving presentations to over half a million students and teachers nationwide.
   On Tuesday, Ms. Blanco spoke in an interview about the message she will bring to Cranbury.
   "I’m going to offer a fresh, new perspective on peer abuse from the vista of someone who lived it, survived it and is in the trenches turning her pain into purpose trying to help others," she said.
   She will give a morning and an afternoon presentation to students. At the end of the school day, she will meet with teachers to address bullying in the classroom. And in the evening, at 7 in the community room, she will give a presentation to parents, which is open to the public, on how to identify and handle issues of bullying. The discussion will conclude with a book signing in the Gourgaud Gallery.
   PTO Program Coordinator Cheryl Coyle said she saw Ms. Blanco speak at a Barnes & Noble in South Jersey and thought she would be perfect to present in Cranbury.
   "People probably don’t think traditional bullying takes place at Cranbury," Ms. Coyle said. "But this social exclusion based on being different takes place everywhere and I think it’s important to show that side of bullying as well."
   While working with students during the day, Ms. Blanco will re-enact episodes of bullying from her past to try to make students more compassionate toward one another.
   "The point of that is for the bullies to see that it’s not just joking around, that it damages victims for life," she said. "And I want the victims to see that they’re not alone."
   But getting through to the students is only step one.
   "I can change the way students perceive the issue," she said. "I can make kids more compassionate toward each other and make them see that some of the subtle things they do, that they don’t think are mean, truly are. But if I don’t educate the teachers on how to maintain this new level of compassion, it’s not going to stick."
   The teacher and parent presentations are equally important components in combating bullying, she said.
   "I share some of my experiences and I offer insights and advice on how to prevent bullying, how to recognize if your child is the bully or the bullied, how traditional punishment doesn’t work," she said. "I’ll talk about how to recognize that your child might be in danger of suicide or self-mutilation as a result of bullying."
   There are typical mistakes that teachers can learn to avoid, she said, and one of them is assuming that the bully is just a bad kid.
   "The whole point of what I do is for kids to discover their own compassion and work it like a muscle," she said. "There’s no such thing as a bad kid. The bully is bleeding too."
   Ms. Blanco said it is vital that parents attend her evening presentation because every child falls into one of three categories; the bully, the victim and the observer, who sees it all go on but is often silent. Her discussion will help parents identify where their children stand and what they can do to help.
   "Parents need to come because so many parents think bullying is no big deal," she said. "They think it’s just kids being kids. This is something that needs to be taken seriously and every parent needs to be serious about it."
   She hopes students will walk away from the event with a new sensitivity for one another and with the understanding that there are several different ways to bully someone, and sometimes it’s not only the mean things you do, but also the nice things you never do.
   "Victims will learn that they’re not alone, that someone does understand and that, if I can survive, so can they," she said. "It will give them proof that you can survive this hell called bullying. Bullies will learn that it isn’t just joking around, that when you let someone sit alone at lunch every day, when you ignore them walking through the halls when you don’t invite them on purpose to that party, you’re hurting them."
   For more information on Ms. Blanco and her mission, visit her Web site at www.jodeeblanco.com.