City gay couples say ruling is mixed victory

But it could mean a big difference to one Lambertville pair expecting a child next year.

By: Linda Seida
   The recent state Supreme Court decision granting equal rights to gay couples in New Jersey is more than a political hot potato to some Lambertville residents.
   For one gay couple, the right to wed — even if lawmakers don’t end up calling it marriage — means the child they’re expecting next year could have two parents, not one biological and one adoptive, but two legal parents from the start.
   The justices have left it up to legislators to decide whether to call the union of same-sex couples marriage, and for that reason some in the local community call the court’s ruling a mixed victory and the controversy over what to call it "absurd."
   The court gave lawmakers six months to decide what to call the legal unions. And gay rights proponents will use the time to "educate every legislator" and to "explain why marriage is important," said Lee Rosenfield of Lambertville.
   "If it’s not the last, it is certainly the most major civil rights battle of our time," Mr. Rosenfield said. "It is of that magnitude."
   Mr. Rosenfield, 38, and his partner, Jack Fastag, 42, have been together for 11 years. The couple will become parents next year when a surrogate mother gives birth to their child. One of the men is the biological father; the other will have to go through a second-parent adoption to acquire all the rights of parenthood.
   If they did not pursue the adoption, and the biological father passed away, "the other would have no legal standing, and the state could take the child away from the surviving partner, from the only parent the child has ever known," Mr. Rosenfield said. "We’re talking about people’s lives. Think of the child."
   Mr. Rosenfield is director of development at Gratz College in Elkins Park, Pa. In December, he’ll move to the same job at Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America. Mr. Fastag is a flavor chemist.
   Mr. Rosenfield said, "If we were married, we would just both be parents automatically, instead of going through a second-parent adoption. It’s a money issue, it’s a fairness issue, and it’s an equality issue."
   He added, "Get over the homophobia. Get past your fear and your hatred of gay people and think of what’s in the best interests of the child."
   Lambertville resident Susan Rovello, 48, is a psychotherapist with offices in Stockton whose clients include heterosexuals as well as homosexuals and lesbians. She and her partner have been together 11 years.
   "I think to be so hung up on what you call a committed relationship is absurd," Ms. Rovello said. "On the other hand, I think it’s long overdue to legitimize committed, same-sex partnerships."
   Ms. Rovello and her partner were among the first couples to register with Lambertville’s clerk in 2004 under the state’s Domestic Partnership Law.
   The Domestic Partnership Law conferred certain rights to same-sex couples, but did not include marriage. Those rights included the right to visit and speak on behalf of a hospitalized partner. The law exempts a partner from the inheritance tax and allows the partner of a state employee to be covered by the employee’s benefit program.
   "On a personal level, I don’t really care what it’s called," Ms. Rovello said. "I think equal rights is the key word here. If two people want to make a commitment to one another, I think that’s a wonderful thing, and I think it should be celebrated."
   At the same time, she said the idea of describing a same-sex union as a marriage scares some people.
   "Calling it marriage seems to really set people off, seems to make them feel threatened in some way," Ms. Rovello said. "I think people want to make it seem different. Not calling it marriage says, ‘It’s not the same.’"