GUEST OPINION, Dec. 1
By: Nancy Snyderman
I grew up in a middle-class community in Northern Indiana the kind of place where, in the ’60s, children ran in a pack from yard to yard and no one’s parents got a divorce, even those who should have. But even in that idyllic space, I knew that some houses needed a wide berth and that some women told their secrets only by the bruises on their faces.
Mrs. K was beautiful, regal, quiet and always sporting a bruise or a cut. Of course it would take me years to get it. Mrs. Abbott hadn’t fallen down steps or slipped or walked into a door. Her only mistake was to be home in the evening when her husband returned from work.
In those days, people didn’t talk about the problem. Domestic violence was shrouded in shame and, although other women in the neighborhood must have known Mrs. K’s secrets, they were arrestingly quiet.
It would take me years to understand what the bruises really meant and how domestic violence cuts across racial and socioeconomic lines. In 2005, there were 75,651 reported cases of domestic violence, with more than 3,300 occurring in Mercer County. One of the more alarming facts is that, according to the New Jersey Uniform Crime Report, children were the recipients of the abuse or witnessed the violence 34 percent of the time. And the effects of domestic violence on children are devastating and long-lasting.
Many women don’t know where to turn. Womanspace is a centerpiece for help in New Jersey. With telephone hotlines, volunteer response teams, advocates who will accompany victims of sexual assault to the hospital and emergency housing for women and their children, Womanspace is a beacon of help for women and their families when there is no place else to go. Shelters and short- and long-term housing can allow a woman to step out of a violent household and break the cycle.
Abuse can start slowly. A woman’s car keys are taken away. Her checkbook disappears. She becomes cut off from her friends, family and community. Verbal and physical intimidation may exist before she or her children are physically harmed. By the time the physical abuse starts, a woman may think the hole in her life is too big to crawl out of.
What can we do? We start by speaking up and breaking the silence. We acknowledge that violence can creep into every neighborhood. And we ask for help.
Womanspace is a safe haven that has supported victims of domestic violence for almost 30 years. It has also provided sexual assault services since 2002. Womanspace provides emergency shelter, counseling, court advocacy, transitional housing, education, training and technical assistance. Its comprehensive array of services form a rich tapestry of volunteers and professionals who have committed themselves to putting an end to domestic violence a way to say to abusers, "Not in our community. Not now. Not ever."
Nancy Snyderman, M.D., chief medial editor for NBC News and MSNBC, is honorary chair of Womanspace’s Communities of Light 2006 project.

