Public look, private struggle

Story of teen’s battle with anorexia to air on TLC Sunday evening

By: Rebecca Weltmann
   WASHINGTON — At 14, Marisa Meiskin looked like an average teenager. She played lacrosse and was involved in theater. She loved to study, exercise and be with her friends and family. She was even a straight-A student.
   Then at 15, she wasn’t healthy enough to play lacrosse. She wasn’t healthy enough to do theater. Her parents even made her stop exercising. Instead of doing what she loved, Marisa was in the hospital with anorexia.
   Marisa’s battle with anorexia began to surface in 2004 when she began restricting the types and amounts of foods she would eat. As time went on, her parents began to notice her more gaunt-looking, angular features. By age 15, Marisa, a Robbinsville High School student had full-blown anorexia and was also suffering from osteoporosis and an extremely low heart rate. Even though Marisa is currently more than 2,000 miles away from home in Utah getting treatment for her illness, her story will air at 7 p.m. on Sunday when she is featured on the TLC’s "Shalom in the Home." For Marisa’s parents, Cindy and Jeff, deciding to allow the camera crews and surveillance cameras into their Robbinsville home last October was something that almost didn’t happen.
   "I called them after a friend of the producer of the show contacted us and asked us to submit an application, but I didn’t think anything would come of it," Ms. Meiskin said. "Within half an hour of them reading the application, they called me to tell me they wanted to take on the story."
   Marisa’s story is different from the usual dysfunctional family situations that the show features. Instead, Marisa does most of the talking and lets the viewers into a world that shows not only what it’s like being an anorexic teenager, but what it’s like living with an anorexic child as well.
   "I give her a lot of credit," her father said. "She’s somebody who likes to act, but here she’s on TV talking about something very private and she’s showing viewers a side of her that she wouldn’t show anybody. She has a lot of guts."
   Producer-director Nick O’Gorman said this particular episode kept in the basic mold of the series, but that the emotional attachment he and the rest of the crew came to feel for the Meiskins was something very rare.
   "A bunch of us got really passionate about this whole thing and it’s not really something that’s stopped or ended," Mr. O’Gorman said. "I get e-mails and phone calls probably every day from one person or another, from grips to crew, asking about what’s going on with the Meiskins and asking how Marisa is doing. That’s never really happened before with our other episodes."
   When Mr. O’Gorman began piecing together the actual show, he said he wanted to give Marisa most of the spotlight while "doing right" by the Meiskins.
   "Usually the first instinct, when you’re doing a show like this, is to bring on a clinician and I said, ‘No, we have Marisa,’" he said. "Marisa is a hero for even doing this. As the audience listens to her, what they’re taking away, I hope, is an insight into a terribly complex addiction. Beyond that, I hope they see a family dealing with this as they know how with all the adversity. On set, we really grew to admire them very much, and it’s the awareness and sense of compassion that I hope the audience takes away from this."
   The major benefit of doing the show, her mother added, is the voice that it gives Marisa.
   "Seeing the show ahead of time really made Marisa feel better," Ms. Meiskin said. "It empowers her to get better. We struggled with allowing them to go through with the show, but we agreed to do it and I think the producer really got it, what the illness is about and what it’s like being a care-giver for someone with an eating disorder. It’s really going to serve as a vehicle for Marisa to be an advocate for kids to not fall prey to what happened to her. She’s even talking about going into psychology now."
   For over 45 hours, the Meiskins allowed the camera crew to poke into the depths of Marisa’s soul and the family’s everyday lives. Now, Ms. Meiskin said, the producer would always be like a part of their family.

* * *

   The TV show ends on an optimistic high note, showing the hope and strength that was expected to put Marisa on route to getting better. The story, however, didn’t end when the credits started rolling. In January, her parents made what they said was the most painful decision they’ve ever had to make for their daughter.
   The hospital programs weren’t working. If anything, they were making Marisa worse. So instead, in a leap of faith, Marisa’s parents admitted her into a residential treatment facility in a remote area of Utah. In a program that focuses on adolescent girls, her parents said that Marisa is finally in a place where she can learn to cope with — not cure — her illness and come to terms with how to deal with it on a daily basis.
   "It was the worst day of our lives, but also the day filled with the most hope, especially when they told us she can beat this," Ms. Meiskin said. "There was this great agony in knowing what we had to do. We never thought it would come to this."
   Marisa’s parents added that from the moment they told her of their decision to the moment they started to say goodbye in Utah, Marisa acted in such a poised way that it was as though they hadn’t made any kind of decision. It wasn’t until the tearful goodbye that the anger really started to show through.
   Despite the fights and momentary feelings of betrayal, the little voice in Marisa that was screaming for help has allowed her to immerse herself in the culture of the residential facility, giving her the opportunity to claim her life back from the eating disorder, her mother said.
   "It’s been hard," her mother said. "We haven’t had a normal meal in our house for almost three years, so I just can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when she comes home. I know she’s very excited about proving to us that she can maintain healthier habits. She’s even eating dessert again, and telling me she’s eating cake without feeling ashamed of herself. It’s just been amazing."

* * *

   Already, her parents said they are starting to see the fruits of their decision. The average time that the girls stay at the residential facility in Utah is four to six months. Mr. and Ms. Meiskin said their hope is that Marisa will come out of the program in May or June and after playing school catch-up over the summer and slide right into the routine of being a high school junior at Robbinsville High School in September. It would also be nice, they added, if she’d be home in September to celebrate her Sweet 16.
   Right now, her mother added, Marisa has been receiving — and requesting more — work from the educational liaison in Washington Township in an effort to keep up with her studies. On Wednesday, Mr. and Mrs. Meiskin had their first opportunity to make the trek out to Utah to see their daughter since they dropped her off in January. They are expected to stay in Utah until Monday. When her parents aren’t around, Marisa is permitted to make two 10-minute phone calls home a week.
   Ten minutes, her parents said, go by fast.
   "She got special permission a few weeks ago to make an extra call home just to talk to her sisters," Ms. Meiskin said. "It’s been hard on them. They miss their big sister, and they’ve been coping with everything in their own way. Sometimes they’ll hear a song come on the radio that reminds them of Marisa and they’ll start to tear up. They’ve even been sleeping in her bed every night."

* * *

   In a treatment program with five levels, Marisa is up to level two. As she gets to level three and four, she is expected to have more opportunities to make phone calls and have moderate, monitored Internet access for e-mails. Soon, she is expected to be able to make phone calls to non-family members, something her friends are happy about, her parents said.
   But like the show, the story doesn’t end when the credits start rolling. Having an eating disorder is something that Marisa will have to cope with for the better part of the rest of her life.
   "Everybody has to heal in the house," her mother said. "We have to pay attention to our two younger daughters as well, and our marriage."
   Marisa’s parents and her two younger sisters, Jennifer, 9, and Abigail, 12, are excited about the prospect of Marisa’s homecoming. For now, though, Mr. Meiskin said he is hopeful and optimistic.
   "Inside, I’m confident that everything is going to work out," he said. "But in the end, it’s really up to Marisa. There’s a big hole here without her, but as we get close to seeing her again, I’m getting really, really pumped to see her. The therapy won’t stop when she leaves there; there’s no way she can fail. Failure is just not an option and we’re going to do our damnedest to make sure she doesn’t fail."