A career gone to the dogs
By: Linda McCarthy
I’ve said it before, but I really do have the best job on the planet.
I often wonder what makes people choose their occupations. There are certain jobs I just would not do.
For example, my brother is a corrections officer in a federal prison. He’s been attacked several times by crazed inmates and thinks nothing of it. My sister-in-law is an obstetrics nurse. She’s been attacked several times by … stuff, and also thinks nothing of it.
The "yucky" list is endless, but one profession in particular stands out to me.
My future daughter-in-law has chosen a line of work that has been featured on the show "Dirty Jobs." You know the onethat guy showcases professions no one in their right minds would willingly choose. I’m not implying that my son’s intended is insane, but I can’t figure out why she willingly pursued a career in dog grooming.
The life of a dog groomer begins promptly at 6:30 a.m. By the time she gets to the salon, people are already waiting to drop off their pets. Apparently in this business, the dogs are called "kids" and the dog owners are referred to as "pet parents."
This is clearly an understatement. Many of these people treat their dogs better than their biological children. I swear my old neighbor used to let his dog drive the family car.
Customers are divided into categories. The "couture" owner usually has a foo-foo dog dressed to the nines and smelling like a French call girl. The outfit normally matches the owner, who demands only the best for the little baby, including tooth brushing, $50 per gallon shampoo and elaborate hairstyles and bows. A doggy colonic completes the treatment, and the pooch is good to go until next week.
In the "holy roller" category, the owner expects the groomer to perform miracles. Somehow, a cross-eyed shih tzu with an under bite is supposed to emerge as a beautiful show dog. These people visit the salon once or twice a year expecting a complete transformation. They typically do not leave a tip. To achieve the elusive look, the groomer sometimes has to shave the dog and start from scratch. (No doggy pun intended.)
The "you’re welcome" customer category is my favorite. These people believe it is a privilege to groom their pet. According to them, their dogs poop gold and every breath smells of sweet perfume. As the dog is being pampered, the owners watch through the glass window to assure proper procedures are followed. They also think it’s cute when the dog relentlessly tries to bite the groomer. Something called "expelling the doggy anal glands" completes the treatment. Again, no tip.
It is a thankless job. We call my daughter-in-law "the dog whisperer" because she truly has a way with animals. Despite having to deal with crazed pet owners, fleas, matted fur and the risk of biting, she loves what she does. And what more could you ask for?
I’m not suggesting that my daughter-in-law rethink her career choice.
OK, maybe I am.
Linda McCarthy resides in Robbinsville with her husband and three children.

