Linda McCarthy
This past weekend I was at the Rangers game and I sat behind a very cute five-year-old who had absolutely no business being there. For one thing, he was completely miserable. The noise bothered him so his mother stuffed his ears with napkin pieces. He demanded and received snacks from every food vendor that passed our section. He spilled his soda, moved his seat three times and cried when the Rangers lost. Oh wait, the latter was my husband.
This poor kid continually kicked the seat of the man in front of him, had to go to the bathroom at least seven times during the course of the game and was dangerously close to kissing the ice if he waved his giant “we’re number one” foam finger in my face one more time. However, my real problem was not with the kid, it was with his mother. Not once did she tell him “no.”
This seems to be a disturbing, emerging trend in parenting. Unfortunately, I see it all the time and the results are not pretty. My friend teaches three-year-olds. The other day she was reading to her class. One adorable little girl was not listening and kept grabbing books off the shelf while my friend was trying to engage the rest of the group. After the third request to stop, the little girl handed over a book and demanded, “Read this next.” My friend replied, “No, I’m sorry. You weren’t listening to me so I won’t read that one now.” The kid didn’t skip a beat and snapped back with, “So who cares, read what you want.”
Sadly, this level of disrespect is not uncommon. Can you imagine this kid at 13? I think parents need to reevaluate their role in their child’s life. It is OK to say “no,” it’s OK to express disappointment in a poor grade and it’s OK if not every kid makes the team or is invited to a party. By carrying on about the “unfairness” of everything, well-meaning parents perpetuate the illusion of entitlement. Life is not fair and helping children deal with this at an early age fosters strong, confident adults.
I’ll step off my soapbox long enough to admit I am guilty of many of the same things I just complained about. Every parent wants the best for their child and more importantly, wants their child to be happy. Sometimes, though, the two are not mutually exclusive. When it comes to kids, sometimes it is easier to give in than to stand firm. When they are teenagers, they don’t like you no matter what you do so you might as well go with your gut. Sorry to say this choice does not always follow the path of least resistance, but remember you are the parent. One day they will be flying the nest and it is your responsibility to realistically prepare them for what is out there. Trust me, the last thing you want is for them to fly back. ls1
Linda McCarthy resides in Robbinsville with her husband and three children.