Red State/Blue State

It’s my column, and I’ll cry if I want to

DAVE SIMPSON & GREG BEAN

A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson – a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist – and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of GreaterMedia Newspapers. Let us know what you think.

Dear Greg:

I’m fighting back tears this week over the mean things you’ve been saying to me lately. Just like the people who said cruel things to Hillary, you’ve hurt my feelings, with your long lists of complaints and that “Anybody but George” crack in last week’s column.

My Red State friends ask how I keep going under the barrage of abuse from you and your vast Blue State conspirators. I’ll cite an example: Remember that letter writer who liked you, but called me a “Redumblican?” I’d call that the politics of personal destruction, wouldn’t you? If you cut me, do I not bleed?

To me, Greg, this is more than just two old coots arguing in a newspaper column. It’s more – excuse me while I get a tissue – than just a game. Pardon my emotion here, but I can see what this country could be, but it’s just, well, slipping away.

Nevertheless, I’ll soldier on, through my tears.

I think I’ve figured out this talk about “change” among the candidates for president. I wasn’t sure what change they wanted, until I saw that story about Iranian speedboats threatening American frigates the other day. Then it all made sense. As you know, our captains did not blast those boats, even though a much smaller boat blew a big hole in the side of an American destroyer in 2000, killing 17 of our sailors. One candidate – a fellow “Redumblican,” no less- said we shouldn’t be picking fights with Iranian speedboats.

So, far from the days when staffers didn’t even awaken Ronald Reagan when our planes shot down two Libyan fighters, we apparently want a world in which our response to speeding boats full of grinning lunatics is not guns or bullets, but “change,” diplomacy and U.N. resolutions.

We don’t want to be “cowboys” like Reagan, Greg. What these people calling for change want is for us to respond to speeding boats threatening our frigates with a couple of years of vastly expensive U.N. investigations, then 15 or 16 flaccid, inconsequential resolutions telling them to cut it out. And if those resolutions are ignored, well, we’ll all stand by while the U.N. gets tough and passes another dozen or so resolutions. Lord knows we don’t want to enforce anything.We sure learned that lesson.

That might cost us a couple of frigates, but it will make the world love us again, Greg. After all, those speedboats could just be fun-loving lunatics out for a day of water skiing. We can’t trust our intelligence.

That’s the kind of change we’re apparently looking for, Greg- not trusting our intelligence. That, plus a president who won’t let hurricanes happen, and some big tax increases to whack the rich people we work for, and “put more money in our pockets,” which we’ll need when we get laid off.

Suddenly, Greg, I’m tearing up again.

Your compassionate conservative friend,

Red State Dave

Dear Dave:

Two words, pardner: Cowboy up.

A guy with opinions like yours ought to expect to get slapped around from time to time, especially since you do it to others (like me) in your columns with amazing regularity. And it’s not like our readers say bad things about you and let me off the hook. I’ll point you to the guy who wrote this week and said (among other mean things) that he uses the picture of me that runs with my other column as a target for his parakeet to do his business on inside the cage. If the parakeet potties, do I not…oh, heck, never mind.

I’m surprised you bring up that Iranian speedboat business, however, in light of new information about the incident that has come out this week. Turns out, there is absolutely no way to positively tie the socalled threatening radio message allegedly sent from the Iranian to the American vessels to those specific Iranianmariners (terrorists? soldiers? rock throwers?). As a matter of fact, the radio threat was on a frequency that could have come from anywhere.

So, if the American captains had responded with guns or missiles and introduced those Iranians to the legendary virgins, theymight have been overreacting, just a tad. The Chinese and North Koreans do stuff like that to our naval vessels, Air Force planes and military installations all the time, and you don’t hear us opining that the proper response to their game of chicken is sending them to Davy Jones’ Locker.

Granted, based on what happened with the USS Cole in Yemen, our naval officers and crews should be on a heightened state of alert. They are, because we learned a bloody lesson.And if interlopers don’t break off after fair warning, we ought to blow them out of the water in self-defense.

But those guys broke off, Dave. If we had opened fire, they would have become martyrs, which is likely what they wanted in the first place- that and creating an international incident.

Do you really think the naval commander with his finger on the trigger held off because he was afraid of political blowback from liberal Democrats? Or did he make the best on-site decision he could make, based on his training and his assessment of the threat? Are you ready to second-guess the decision of a commander in the field like this,my friend? I’mnot, but I’m sure glad he wasn’t feeling triggerhappy that day.

It’s only the Monday-morning quarterbacks, Red Staters and Blue Staters alike (along with many in the national media), who have turned that incident into some sort of political bellwether. If you ask me, its a non-starter.

Now, Shrub’s response to Katrina is a different story altogether.Nobody thinks he “let the hurricane happen” (your dog won’t hunt), but he darned sure screwed up the national response to a nearly criminal extent. And there are lots of people who still tear up over that.

Soldier on with courage,

Blue State Greg

Greg Bean may be reached at gbean @gmnews.com and Dave Simpson may be reached at [email protected].