Red State/Blue State

Sam considered money kept from government a big win

DAVE SIMPSON & GREG BEAN

A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson – a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist – and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of GreaterMedia Newspapers. Let us know what you think.

Dear Greg:

This talk about a federal gasoline tax holiday brings back fondmemories of an old friend.

While the presidential candidates disagree over suspending the 18.4-cent pergallon tax for the summer months, and quibble over the $30 to $60 that would save the average motorist over three months, I keep remembering our old friend Sam.

Sam was once the mayor of your hometown in a devoutly Red State. This was before you got fancy notions and ran off to be a Big Important Blue StateNewspaper Editor. Sam was one ornery cuss, and long before it became fashionable, he ate liberals for breakfast, I think with a splash of milk and a little sugar to sweeten them up.

I liked Sam.You didn’t. Thiswas back in your salad days, when you were accusing Republicans of being ugly, and not being able to dance.

The other cusses in town liked Sam, just like I did. One time, in a bar, when Sam wasn’tmayor anymore, a guy looked at him like he wasmeeting Elvis, and asked, “Didn’t you used to be Sam?”And Sam replied, with a big, liberal-eating smile, “I still am!”

I remember Sam got beat up financially in an investment out in the oil patch. The crowning blow was when he had to pay the windfall profits tax on the meager amount he managed to salvage in the deal. From then on, if youmentionedwindfall profits in front of Sam, he got a look on his face like intense pressure was building in his lower abdomen.

They got rid of the windfall profits tax not long after that, but your liberal friends want to give ‘er a try again, because they knowjust as sure as applesauce that there’s no problem that can’t be solved with a tax.

Samwas a regular font ofwisdom,Greg. He once said, “If it don’t bleed, it ain’t worth worrying about,” and I’ve thought of that many times since.

Sam got me started with a tax guy who has been doingmy taxes ever since.And the reason I bring all this up is this. Samsaid to never complain about what you pay a tax guy, because even if you have to pay him everything he saves you in taxes, at least the government doesn’t get the money.

Sam understood that far from being the solution tomost problems, government was the cause ofmost problems, and anymoney you could keep out of their hands was money well spent.

So, a gas tax holiday for the summer – while entailing a small amount ofmoney- is a genuine, Martha Stewart-approved “good thing,” if you ask guys like Sam and me.

Big government types will whine about campaign gimmicks and fiscal responsibility- as if they knewanything about THAT – but the fact is, a tax holidaywill keep $30 to $60 permotorist out of the hands of wildeyed politicians who would spend it on bridges to nowhere, Lawrence Welk museums, and any other dang-fool scheme that can get a shyster re-elected by knuckleheaded voters. Surely you agree, don’t you, Greg?

Your old pal, Red State Dave [email protected]

Dear Dave:

I remember Sam well, and as fondly as you remember theman’s politics, I remember it was Sam’s politics, and the ultra-conservative, Red State politics of most of the people around him, that first turned me into what I thought was a liberal. We both know that I eventually discovered I wasn’t that liberal after all, but he had some notions that still drive me crazy.

And the one that simply makes me bull goose looney is one you reference so fondly – that it’s better to pay your accountant your last dime if it will keep that dime out of the federal government’s hands. That’s the notion that leads big corporations to move heaven and earth to avoid paying their fair share of our nation’s taxes. They consider that a big win, paying far less than their fair share, while working stiffs like you andme who can’t afford high-priced tax accountants and lawyers to appeal tax bills are left paying the tab.

I don’t think that makes him a hero. I think that makes him and people like him (read ExxonMobil for starters) some of the most crass and selfish sons of guns on the planet.

Fact is, Dave, we need to collect a certain amount of tax money to keep this country running.Almost all of us think the government wants too much, and most of us grouse about waste. But on the other hand, we all want some services from our government, like keeping Social Security afloat and our highways in decent shape and ourmilitary strong so it can defend us. And providing those services costs money.

It gallsme to the core to think that on a percentage of income basis, guys like you andme pay a bigger percentage of our takehome pay to provide those services than people like Samand Exxon, who’ll spend all their money trying to keep their share out of the government’s hands.

If bringing back the windfall profits tax makes companies like ExxonMobil, which recently reported the highest quarterly and annual profits ever for a U.S. company ($11.66 billion or $2.13 per share for the first quarter) pony up their fair share of our tax burden, I say bring that sucker on.

As you’re filling the gas tank on your beige minivan this summer at $4 a gallon, I want you to remember that $11.66 billion number and then tell me again why you still oppose a windfall profits tax. If you still oppose it after paying $100 to fill your tank, as your friend I’ll suggest gently that you seek professional help for yourmasochistic tendencies. I hear they can treat that these days with prescription medication.

As far as this summer gas tax holiday is concerned, in your heart I think you know it’s a gimmick designedmore to get Hillary Clinton and JohnMcCain votes than to put a few bucks in our pockets, and the transparency of theirmotives really sticks inmy craw.We need real, long-termsolutions, not this short-term, low-return garbage.

Still, I’ll take the savings if they approve this thing. I could use the 60 bucks, assuming that ExxonMobil doesn’t figure out a way to pocket it first.

Y’r pained at the pump friend,

Blue State Greg [email protected]