Ever since our eldest son, Vernon, embarked upon his 16th year of life, he’s been all about the cars.
It started with his long and dedicated dream of obtaining a JeepWagoneer.With its faux wooden panels running down the sides, a Tomken receiver bumper with quick disconnects, and a glistening luggage rack that catches the viewer’s eye, the Wagoneer promised to be his one-way ticket to paradise.
“Just think, Mom,” he said with stars in his eyes, “I can live on the edge. In fact, my good friend, Eddie O’Brien, says the Wagoneer is as close to magnificence as I may ever come. He says it could lead me to greatness. Most of all, Eddie says the Wagoneer is a babe magnet.”
His statement led me to ponder several things. The first of which was, why in the world I would ever want a 16-year-old driving a babe magnet, and secondly, and perhaps most importantly, who was this Eddie O’Brian kid and why was he enticing my child into purchasing a Jeep Wagoneer?
If I had my way, Vernon would still be hanging out in the sandbox with his Tonka trucks. He’d revert back to his Matchbox cars and spend the better part of his day with a make-believe carburetor while making vrooom-vrooom noises with his lips.
He threw all that away and became fixated on anything that looks good in a chrome bumper. Paying no mind to gas mileage or breaking his mother’s heart, Vernon ponders independence and driving off into the sunset.
We never did buy that kid the Wagoneer. Oh, he drove a hard bargain. His presentation was outstanding; his arguments were right on cue. But when push came to shove, the Wagoneer fell short of our pocketbook dreams and we bought him a sturdy old pickup that would haul his hide as well as his father’s construction wares.
That was four short years ago and our Vernon has grown nothing if not wiser and more well versed. You show me someone who thinks that’s a good thing, and I’ll show you someone who has never met our Vernon.
We never heard about Vernon’s new dream of obtaining a Land Rover until he’d done his research, questioned his advisers, compiled data and statistics and readied himself for the debate.
It all started with an innocent phone call on a Saturday afternoon. “Dad,” he started out as a form of hello, “Lady Luck is certainly smiling upon us today!”
“Really,” my husband replied as he basked in the ignorance that he was about to take a hit to the wallet. “So I take it that things are going well at the university?”
“Oh, things are awesome! They’re fantastic and you are never going to believe the fortune that’s been bestowed upon us!”
It was then that my husband saw the light. He knew he was going to be hornswoggled, and before he could defend himself by passing the phone to his lovely wife, Vernon socked it to him.
“Dad, I’ve found a Land Rover, the benchmark of luxury and refinement.” He said it as if we should be in awe. “It’s a dreamer’s dream. It’s rugged, it’s sturdy and the used-car salesman says that they like me so much that they’re willing to sell it at a loss just for the simple thrill of watching me drive away!”
Then he paused for a moment to take a breath before he added, “Can you believe it?”
We never knew what hit us. Oh sure, we made the usual inquiries. We talked about gas mileage, replacement parts and the ever-loving Lemon Law.
But like I said, Vernon had all of the answers. He knew the car’s history, had looked under the hood and kicked the tires. Although he didn’t promise that it had been owned by a little old lady who had only driven to church on Sundays, he had taken the time to view its past on cars.com.
“So tell me, Dad,” he said as he wrapped up his pitch, “What’s it gonna take to put me into a Land Rover today?”
It was then that my beloved spouse handed the phone to me and said, and I quote, “YOUR kid wants to talk to you.”
Just you wait until I see that Eddie O’Brian.
Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book “Are We There Yet?” You can reach her at www.loriclinch. com.