Journey taken builds friendships

Area Christians and Muslims gather to learn and understand

BY CHRISTINE VARNO Staff Writer

Local Lutherans and Muslims have embarked on a journey together as a way to learn and understand more about one another’s faith.

Area Christians and Muslims gather at a "Dessert and Dialogue" event held in West Long Branch to learn more about one another's faith. Area Christians and Muslims gather at a “Dessert and Dialogue” event held in West Long Branch to learn more about one another’s faith. The journey consists of the two groups coming together to openly discuss their beliefs and faiths. Most recently, they gathered at the “Dessert and Dialogue” meeting.

It was at that meeting that Fatih Ozbek, a Muslim from New Brunswick, attempted to dispel some of the rumors circulating about her faith in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks.

“After 9/11, I felt as if people were afraid of me, as if they thought I might be a terrorist,” Ozbek said. “Islam teaches us that we must not even kill an ant.

“It saddens me that people think I might want to harm someone,” she said, adding, “Revenge has no place in Islam.”

The meeting was held Aug. 17 at the Cross of Glory Lutheran Church in Aberdeen and was cohosted by the Reformation Lutheran Church of West Long Branch.

More than 50 people attended, with Lutherans turning out from churches in West Long Branch, Red Bank, Aberdeen, Manasquan and Freehold. The Muslims came from central New Jersey, representing the Interfaith Dialog Center in Piscataway.

The participants gathered in a large Sunday school classroom and sat at low children’s tables seating six to eight people.

The setting turned out to be pretty conducive to discussion, according to Elaine Tupy, of the Reformation Lutheran Church of West Long Branch.

“I think we were all a little stiff when we started this journey,” said Elaine Tupy, of the Reformation Lutheran Church of West Long Branch. “Now we’re feeling pretty comfortable with each other.

“We’ve made friends and we all agree that we’re ready to move into discussions of greater depth,” she said.

Moderator of the event, the Rev. Dick Tupy, pastor of the Reformation Lutheran Church, asked participants at the meeting to divide into small groups and posed the following three questions:

How does your relationship with God mold your character and value system?; what is the heart of the matter of being Christian or Muslim for you?; and what misconceptions and biases do you see others holding about your faith that you would most like to correct?

Responding to the first question, members of both faiths strongly agreed that their character and value systems were molded on the teachings of compassion and justice, found in both the Bible and the Quran.

“There might be a better word in English, but my faith ‘tames’ me and keeps me from acting on my baser instincts,” said Selcuk Baykir, a Muslim from Manhattan. “If I am walking down the street and someone insults me or strikes me, my first reaction is to lash out.

“Evil can overtake us if we’re not vigilant,” Baykir said, adding, “But my religion teaches me to smile, pass on and say, ‘Go in peace.’”

Gladys Lambert, of the Reformation Lutheran Church, replied, “Our religion teaches us to do the same. Our Lord says we are to turn the other cheek when confronted.

“The teachings are similar although we differ in that we believe Jesus is the Son of God, whereas your faith sees Jesus as one of the great prophets,” Lambert said.

Inger Lamanna echoed Lambert’s comments, saying that Christians try to model the central message of Jesus, which is to love God and one another.

“No one said this is easy,” Lamanna added.

Several of the Muslims also explained at the meeting that their faith requirement to pray five times a day helps them to stay in touch with Allah and Muslimteachings, while also serving as a great comfort.

“Perhaps we might learn something from that,” said Neal Barton, Cross of Glory. “Most of us leave our religion at home when we go to work. A Muslim takes his religion with him.”

Byron Griffin, of the Reformation Lutheran Church, said, “We’re finding we have much more in common than we realized.”

The dialogue marked the fourth meeting between the two faiths, which has included sharing the feast of Ramadan in Muslim homes and sharing meals and fellowship at the Reformation Lutheran Church and the Interfaith Dialog Center.

The idea for the meetings came in the aftermath of 9/11, according to Tupy, who said at that time, the two faith groups felt it was important to reach out to one another to dispel some of the anger and myths about one another’s faiths.

“Some of us were guests at a restaurant and some were invited to private homes,” Tupy said. “My husband and I and two others were honored to be guests in a Turkish Muslim home.

“We enjoyed a sumptuous meal and I recall enjoying stuffed grape leaves and baklava [a dessert made of phyllo pastry filled with chopped nuts and soaked in honey],” she said, adding, “We were touched by their graciousness and the effort they made in preparing this meal.”

Reformation members wanted to reciprocate, so the Muslim participants in the meetings were invited to the Reformation Lutheran Church for a sit-down dinner.

Tupy explained that through the interactions, she learned that Muslims adhere to strict dietary customs in which no pork, alcohol or gelatin are allowed. She also learned that in a Muslim home, it is customary to remove one’s shoes at the door.

“To ensure [that the meal served at the church] adhered to their dietary laws, we researched these laws and prepared the poached salmon meal ourselves,” Tupy said. “We made it a family affair, including children.”

Tupy said that the most recent meeting enabled the attendees to more openly share personal concerns and beliefs.

“Face-to-face contact in a safe environment is critical in promoting honesty and breaking down barriers,” Tupy said. “The intense and animated responses of the attendees exceeded our greatest hopes.

“I wish more of us could sit down together and talk about what connects us, rather than dwelling on what separates us.

“What was expressed over and over was how much more we have in common than we realized,” she said, adding, “It seemed to me that all of us, Muslim and Christian alike, felt a need to reach out to understand one another. Truly, we are all under one skin.”

Event coordinator Ron Petrocco, Cross of Glory, said, “Coming together is what God wants us to do. Hopefully, we can be a small part of promoting peace and understanding in a world that yearns to live together in good will.”

Carol Volk, of one of the Lutheran churches, said she thinks much of the anger and mistrust between faiths stems from fear, which is based on ignorance and misunderstanding.

“And that’s why we are here,” she said. “To dispel those fears, to celebrate what we have in common and to respect our differences.”

The dialogues between the two faiths will continue in the future, Tupy said, but a date and place for the next meeting has not yet been scheduled.

“Now that we have done the groundwork, we can better learn and accept our differences,” Tupy said.