Can you guess Buster’s Art von Pfoof’s speciality?
By Dr. Daniel Eubanks, Special Writer
Pet’s names can be amusing.
Unlike naming a baby, a pet’s label permits latitude to be creative, humorous, even inappropriate.
Through the years I’ve seen some real doozies, and I’d like to share them with you.
Frequently, a pet is given a name describing some physical attribute. Coat color is the obvious classic, thus Calli, Buffy, Satchmo and Spot. Not very funny, but accurately descriptive.
Size is often the criterion, usually with an inverse correlation. Hence, Jack Russell Terriers names Bruiser and Moose. Sue Simonye of Lambertville had a 3-pound Yorkie named Rambo!
Anatomical peculiarities sometimes impart uniqueness to a pet, permitting real creativity with their name. Cats with polydactyla (excess number of toes, often seven or eight instead of five) have very large paws, prompting names like Sasquatch and Digit.
Own of my own cats has one all-white eye blinded with scar tissue and one cauliflower ear. We joke he was processed in the Quisinart a little too long, and we call him Chewie.
Joan Smith, another Lambertvillian, had a cat years ago, which sustained multiple independent injuries, all prior to a year of age. She had to have a rear leg amputation, her tail amputated, one eye removed and then an ovariohysterectomy. Joan named her Stubby.
Holly Ferguson and Chris Kascic of West Trenton have a very male English bulldog named Sugar, which suits his temperament but not his physique.
Add to the list a boxer named Tyson and a miniature poodle named Brutus!
Behavioral quirks often are integrated with a name. Barb and Charlie Rose have a beagle they readily admit has more than a few loose screws. His surname is Norman as in Norman Bates!
Our mayor had a cat named Martin as in Martin Brodeur. Martin batted things around with his paws, thus resembling a hockey goalie.
My own other cat is a pretty little Birman female named Elvira. But I just call her Virus because she is very small yet very disruptive.
Frequently, the breed selected by the owner had relevance to the owner’s character. For example, Gen. George S. Patton sported a white bull terrier (looks like a torpedo.) The dog’s official name was William the Conqueror, but “Willie” was his call name.
Sometimes the incompatibilities of name, breed and owner become twisted and complex — a sort of double whammy. My brother is quite large and muscular, rides a big Harley Davidson and is a well-respected referee of men’s club ice hockey in Cleveland. He owns a 2½-pound Yorkie named Cujo!
Pets’ names might reflect how or where they were acquired. In the 1970s, I worked summers for a familiar pharmaceutical firm and rescued three kittens born in the lab animal facility. Their names were Smith, Kline and French.
Pairs of siblings afford plenty of opportunity for originality. Pebbles and Bam Bam, Abercrombie and Fitch, Agatha and Christie have all been patients of mine.
One pair I never quite figured out was two kittens owned by Aaron and Helen Newman of Flemington. One was Mental, the other was Dental, and their last name was Paws. I’ll let you run that one out!
Some breeds just beg for funny names, and some do not. The afghan, hound of royalty, is not a funny breed. A well-to-do, stately couple who live in Yardley and drive to our office in a Jaguar sedan have an afghan named Alexandra. Russa Steiner of New Hope has an afghan named Savannah.
Boxers, in contrast, are consummate clowns and almost never bear a serious name. One of my boxers was named Schultz because of his resemblance to Sgt. Schultz on “Hogan’s Heroes.” His ancestral tree bore AKC registered names like Haro’s Jennifer Quintessa of Sun Rich.
Pedigree meant little to me with this scoundrel as I adulterated his AKC application by submitting his name as Schultz-a-Multz von Schwarzenegger of Solebury Mountain.
The application was accepted, and he was registered!
Another of my boxers also had a distinguished pedigree. He also had the noxious capability of being able to “clear an entire room” in less than 30 seconds.
His name was Buster, but I fabricated his pedigree name to Buster’s Art von Pfoof.
I did not submit buster’s application to AKC!

