HEALTH MATTERS: Kids need defense against cyber-bullies

The emotional and mental injuries a child suffers from cyber-bullying can be just as harmful as physical bullying.

By Madhurani Khare, M.D. Princeton HealthCare System 
    Parents, if you think bullying is still confined to the schoolyard, think again.
    A relatively new form of bullying has gained a stronghold among adolescents, and is taking place over cell phones and computers. It’s not likely you even know about it.
    Known as cyber-bullying, it is increasingly prevalent among teens and tweens who use Instant Messaging, text messaging and popular social networking Web sites to communicate with friends — and sometimes misuse these forms of communication to humiliate peers.
    Forty-two percent of children have been bullied while online, with 1 in 4 having it happen more than once, according to i-Safe Inc., a nonprofit foundation dedicated to Internet safety education.
    Additionally, 35 percent of children have been threatened online, 58 percent admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online and 53 percent admit to having said something mean or hurtful to someone else online, according to i-Safe.
    Perhaps most concerning, is that nearly 60 percent of children reported that they have not told a parent or adult about something mean or hurtful that happened online.
    With cyber-bullying there are no telltale black eyes or bruised shins to alert parents that their child is being picked on. The emotional and mental injuries a child suffers from cyber-bullying, however, can be just as harmful as physical bullying and have lifelong consequences.
    Cyber-bullying occurs in many forms. A child may use Instant Messaging to send nasty taunts to a peer or may post rumors about a person on social networking sites. Children may use their cell phones to snap embarrassing photos of a classmate — perhaps someone changing in the locker room for gym class — and then transmit them to almost everyone in their electronic address book. Children will also alter photos of their peers and post the unflattering images online for the entire online community to see.
    Middle-school and high-school girls tend to be involved in cyber- bullying more than any other group, but children as young as elementary school age have also been victims or bullies themselves. Cyber-bullying happens among boys, as well.
    Like emotional bullying, cyber- bullying serves to single out a person and isolate them from the group by spreading rumors and criticizing them for their appearance or differences. Because of the instantaneous nature of cell phones and the Internet, the audience for cyber-bullies is much wider and easier to reach. A rumor that may have died out before it had a chance to spread beyond a lunch period is now blasted out to dozens and dozens of people via a text message in a matter of seconds.
    The effect is devastating and can wreak havoc on a child’s self- esteem.
    While emotional bullying, including cyber bullying, is difficult for parents to detect right away, signs that your child may be a victim include:
    Anxiety about school and/or refusing to go to school; poor self-esteem; not sleeping well; not eating properly; depression; alcohol and/ or drug use; isolation; self-mutilation, and/or attempted suicide.
    What can parents do?
    First and foremost, talk to your child. Ask her — or him — whether something going on in his/her life needs to be discussed. School counselors can also help in getting to the bottom of bullying situations. As a parent, the worst thing you can do, is call your child’s friends to ask them what may be happening. This will only cause your child more embarrassment and suffering.
    If you are still concerned, you may consider having your child evaluated by a psychiatrist who may be able to help open the lines of communication and find out whether bullying is at the root of your child’s emotional distress.
    Moreover, parents need to be vigilant when it comes to their child’s Internet and cell phone use. The majority of children’s computers are in their bedroom, making it hard for parents to see what they’re doing, and keeping children up until 2 or 3 in the morning while they’re online.
    The computer should be in a public place in the house so parents can monitor their child’s activity. This doesn’t mean a parent needs to stand over their child the entire time, but by keeping a regular eye on the child’s computer use, parents can detect if something is amiss.
    Parents also can request a text log from the phone company to see when and who their child is texting. Parents should explain to their children that they are not “spying” and that they just want to keep tabs on the use of the cell phone. Parents should also know their children’s passwords for their social networking pages and check in on them every once in a while. This is not an invasion of privacy, but a necessary precaution in today’s Internet age. Ultimately, if you’re paying for it, you have a right to monitor it.
    In order to avoid confrontation, it is critical that parents establish the conditions associated with their child’s Internet and cell phone use from the get go.
    Raising children while also protecting them from activities like cyber-bullying is a lot of work for parents nowadays. You’re never going to catch everything, but you need to do all you can to show your child you care.
    To find a physician with Princeton HealthCare System, call (888) 742-7496 or visit www.princetonhcs.org.
Madhurani Khare, M.D., is board- certified in child and adolescent psychiatry, as well as general psychiatry. She is the Medical Director of the Hamilton site of Princeton House Behavioral Health.
Celiac lecture
    Princeton HealthCare System (PHCS) invites the public to attend a free lecture on “Celiac Disease and Living with a Gluten-Free Diet” on Tuesday, Nov. 11, from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at Princeton Fitness & Wellness Center, located in the Princeton North Shopping Center, 1225 Route 206, Montgomery Township.
    Sabrina Beesley, M.S., R.D., a registered dietitian with University Medical Center at Princeton, will discuss what you need to know about celiac disease, including signs and symptoms, risk factors and healthy approaches to gluten-free living.
    According to the National Institutes of Health, 1 in every 133 Americans suffer from celiac disease, an autoimmune disease that affects the digestive system.
    In a person with celiac disease, the consumption of gluten, the protein found in wheat, rye and barley, triggers the autoimmune reaction and thus should be eliminated from the diet. Research has shown that a timely diagnosis of celiac disease is essential to treating or preventing the complications of the disease.
    Attendees will be treated to refreshments featuring gluten- free baked goods. The lecture is free and open to all, but registration is required, 888-897-8979.