Presidential pets: from the doghouse to the White House
By Kyle Moylan, Sports Editor
I thought people around the world were supposed to like Barack Obama. Then I saw the “dog” a group in Peru wanted to give his family.
As you may remember, Obama promised to get his kids a dog if he won the Presidency. It might have been one of those promises he thought he’d never have to keep — my dad promised me 20 years ago to take me to the World Series if the Pirates ever get back there — but Malia and Natasha will be getting a dog.
Because of allergy concerns, there were limitations. But the thing a group Peru is offering wasn’t born in a litter, it was mutated in a lab. It’s brown, small, hairless and has giant ears. It kind of looks like a very ugly chocolate Easter bunny. But don’t read this column out loud because looking at those ears, I think he can hear you even from Peru.
I know the President-elect Obama family doesn’t want to create any international issues, but picking a family dog is a big issue. Not only will you spend more time with the family pet than the Presidential cabinet, there’s that special bond you get with a pet once you watch it clean itself for the first time. So here are a few candidates:
Astro: I’ve been giving him a lot of thought. This is an intelligent dog, the kind two Ivy Leaguers like Barack and Michelle Obama could appreciate. But I think what we’ve long thought of as a speech impediment is actually a Russian accent. “Rello, Romrade . . . I mean Raddy Barack. Rhat’s the code for the rissiles?”
Mutley: I’m pretty sure he’s a Republican and used to belong to Dick Cheney. Things could get very uncomfortable around the house. “Muddarussa nadddamussa . . . didn’t even know Africa was a continent.”
Scooby-Doo: Sounds a little like Astro, but I think Scooby is a true red, white and blue American. He’d also be great at catching any ghosts or monsters in the White House. But the first guy that comes along with a box of Scooby snacks . . .
Krypto: Strong. Loyal. Brilliant. Intelligent. But the whole USA Army couldn’t get him off the living room couch if he doesn’t want to get down.
Mr. Peabody: That would be an interesting choice. A brilliant dog that could actually look after the little girls. But could you imagine the poor secret service trying to track down Malia and Natasha as they travel through time.
Spuds Mackenzie: Yeah, like Bill Clinton is going to give him up.
Snoopy: He’s old, loves his daddy no matter how many times he gets knocked down and has spent decades in the military fighting the Red Baron. This guy was born for John McCain.
Clifford the Big Red Dog: Yeah, like people aren’t already calling Barack Obama a communist and a socialist. Now let’s give him “The Big Red Dog.”
You know, that Peruvian Hairless isn’t looking too bad. Maybe Barack Obama and his staff can just learn to whisper when they’re in the Oval Office. And come Easter, that dog may just want to hide himself better than one of the eggs.

