Bloopers

A ‘4-carrot diamond’: not such a great gift

Adele Young

Every year we like to look back at the typographical and grammatical errors that almost made it, and some that actually did make it, into some of Greater Media Newspapers’ 12 weekly publications.

As hard as our staff try to keep their copy error-free, the pressure of deadlines often results in some very amusing “bloopers” that we enjoy sharing with our readers:

Lip-smacking good

An area temple invited residents to bring their best-recalled Bubbe’s special maichl (dish) to share with old and new friends at a pot-lick [potluck] dinner. As good as that sounds, it doesn’t beat licking the batter bowl.

We’ll pass on this

A dining review for a special section went on and on about the excellent choice of cuisine available until this eye-opener: “Complementing this array were wonderful spreads of maple-infused butter, regular butter and red pepper humus [hummus].” Plants may love nutrient-enriched soil but not many diners do.

What’s up, doc?

One story told of a gift of “a beautiful 4- carrot [carat] diamond.” That’s a rock any bunny would be proud to wear.

Calling Gloria Steinem…

Sometimes our readers help us along in our quest for verbal faux pas, like when a local running club asked for participants for its St. Paddy’s 10-mile race.

“Race-day registration will start at 8 a.m. and is $25. Prior registration by male is encouraged and discounted.” And some men think Ladies Night is unfair.

Hall of Shame

In a sports brief, we almost were red faced for describing the well-known soccer coach as having been “indicted [inducted] into the National Soccer Hall of Fame in 1997.”

Cops and robbers

We know many people who like to collect sharks’ teeth, but this Police Beat item took us by surprise:

Police are looking for a white male about 50 years old … who entered a [gym] locker … and stole a … driver’s license, a New Jersey vehicle registration card, a bank card, a blue tooth [Bluetooth] valued at $50 ….

A man entered a guilty plea in an Internet child porn case, pursuant to a negotiated plea agreement with the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office. “The terms of the agreement provide for the state to recommend that he receive five years behind bards [bars.]” Who wants to bet he’ll be listening to poetry in the pokey?

Anyone seen the Little Tramp?

One of our stories told of a firefighter from Monroe, who didn’t let a stroke slow him down much. He is a lifetime member of the American Legion and VFW and is still chaplin [chaplain] for a fire company in Monroe.

As Charlie Chaplin, he would be expected to don a fake mustache and bowler hat and carry a walking stick.

Spreading the blame around

Our staff members chuckle when we’re not the only ones who are spelling-challenged. Our thanks to the school secretary who quoted her principal: “I know the students will be excited to meet [the soldier in Afghanistan] and thank him personally for the flag and plague [plaque].”

Letters to the editor are also a rich source of bloopers. Like the writer who accused the mayor of one of our Ocean County towns of being a “Hippocrates [hypocrite].” Way to sling that mud!

A funeral home submitted an obituary with an amusing scenario: the deceased was “interned [interred] at Barnegat Cemetery.” Not to make light of a solemn event, but it’s unlikely many would apply for this internship!

One dollhouse, please

Many of our gaffes are amusing, but this one (caught in time, fortunately) was just plain creepy.

“Under COAH’s newest Round III regulations, a municipality must provide for one unit of affordable housing for every four units of market rate housing that are constructed within its boarders [borders].” Another indignity low-income tenants must face?

Bird’s the word

A young woman was described as taking “flamingo [flamenco] dance classes.” Finally, a rival to the chicken dance.

Say what?

The intent was to praise a girl for her work, but our version made her sound like a star of “Gossip Girl.” “The student representative to the township’s Municipal Alliance Committee was nominated because of her work as a teen advocate of underage drinking.”

In a Police Beat item, we almost wrote the following: “The resident reported that a man entered the house while they were sleeping and stole a wallet and a purse, and a 2004 Jeep Wrangler.” You’d think the Jeep would be safe in the house!

Typos say the funniest things

An area orthodontist who uses his passion for running marathons as a means to raise money for charity was almost a victim of one of our typos: “Dr. Josh Epstein is an orthodontist… at the Brave [Brace] Place in Manalapan.” You’d have to give kudos to the dental office brave enough to use that name!

In our adopt-a-pet column, we almost came up with a new designer pooch:

“Sunshine came to us as a stray; very sweet, nervous at first; … would do well with another cat or clam [calm] dog.” Or would such a breed be a boost to the fishing industry?

Barking up the wrong tree

Last July, we almost renamed an Edison park: Paternity[Paterniti] Park. Just as dog parks have rules, this park might want to ban curs but welcome bitches, and see that males are tested before they get in.

Rock on

In our calendar, we included an item about a reunited band, Acoustic NRG. Two of the guys were original members “of the band NRG, which performed in Asbury Park clubs in the 1890s. They reunited in 2004.” That group would have played longer than the Rolling Stones.

Danger, Will Robinson, danger

In a story that profiled area swimming clubs and pools, we almost slipped and said: Mercury sores [soars] up the thermometer. Just in case you didn’t know what harm mercury could do,

Yearly favorite:

It wouldn’t be a bloopers column without this perennial favorite :

“We think the pubic [public] health would be better protected if warning signs were placed at beaches after one day of high bacteria levels.”

A photo caption for the new Jewish Heritage Museum of Monmouth County named several volunteers, including the “chairwoman of pubic relations.” Fortunately, the gaffe was caught in time because that’s not something most people would want to put on a résumé.

Homophone challenged

Regarding a town’s purchase of formerly contaminated land for a recreation area, an environmental activist said, “We wanted this to have a fairy tail [tale] ending.” If that land hadn’t been cleaned up, fairies wouldn’t have been the only ones with tails.

X-rated

We’ve seen this typo before, but it always amuses: the Good Samaritan Food Panty [Pantry]. Good taste prevents us from offering any comment because it pretty much speaks for itself.

Egg on our face

No matter how hard we try, mistakes do find their way into print. But fortunately, some provide a chuckle or two like the following.

In March, we ran a review of the film “10,000 BC,” which we headlined ‘Fun despite the historical accuracies [inaccuracies].’ Never let it be said that we let facts get in the way …

‘Don’t tase me, bro’

We reported that a first aid squad needed financial contributions “to replenish supplies such as tasers, pagers and two-way communication devices.” The only problem was, as our correction stated, the squad does not use tasers.

Adele Young is the news editor for Greater Media Newspapers. She may be reached at [email protected].