Through shoes decorated with items such as buttons, ribbons, beads and words, the story of domestic abuse and finally freedom from it comes to life in a traveling exhibit titled “Take a Walk in My Shoes.”
A program and reception attended by more than 150 people and hosted by the New Jersey Natural Gas Company in Wall Township opened the exhibit of the 43 artfully created shoes on Oct 22.
A project to help the healing process and to recognize that October is Domestic Violence Month, the shoes were created by clients of 180 Turning Lives Around, Hazlet, a nonprofit organization dedicated to ending domestic violence and sexual violence against women, men and children.
The keynote speaker for the evening was a 56-year-old man identified as John, who was married for 20 years and separated from an abusive marriage for about two months.
“Domestic abuse against men is a reality, unreported and met with disdain,” he said. “It must be recognized, acknowledged and legitimized.”
Less than one year into the marriage, he said, the first physical attack occurred without warning from his wife, a woman he knew for 10 years prior to the marriage.
“The physical, verbal and financial abuse increased to frightening levels against me and eventually to my son,” he said.
The intensity of the abuse against his child brought him to 180 and into art therapy and the “Take a Walk in My Shoes” project, he said. The theme of his decoupage shoe was “Men Are Victims, Too.”
“I picked out the words, but my son picked out the colors and chose the places for the words,” he said. “I’m very proud of him.”
He expressed his gratitude for the staff and services of 180 for giving him and his son a place to go, ending his remarks with the words, “Because of you, I’m back.”
Anna Diaz-White, the executive director of 180, said victims are often not believed.
“It’s hard for victims to come forward, especially men who feel stigmatized by the abuse,” she said. “Help is available [at 180] regardless of gender.”
A display of statistics showed that for the second year in a row, Monmouth County ranks second in New Jersey for domestic violence arrests after Camden County. Diaz- White said FBI statistics state that less than 50 percent of domestic violence cases are reported.
“I hope this exhibit brings to you, your family or someone you know the recognition and the awareness that domestic violence is happening,” said Diaz-White. “The sooner that (awareness) happens, the sooner (the violence) will end.”
Kathleen Ellis, the new president of the board of 180, gave a brief address and said she was honored to be president, but faced a daunting task.
“The one statistic that moves, motivates and haunts me is that last year 83 women and children had the courage to leave their abusive situations and come to our safe house,” said Ellis, who is the executive vice president and chief operating officer of New Jersey Natural Gas. “And 83 is the number that we turned away. I’m motivated by those we served and by those we couldn’t. Please lend a hand.”
Amy Thomas, assistant director of development for 180, said the safe house accommodates seven women and up to 20 children. She said the “Take a Walk in My Shoes” project began in September and was modeled after a project by A Window Between Worlds, a California nonprofit organization that uses art as a healing tool to end domestic violence.
“Domestic violence extends across all socioeconomic classes and genders,” said Thomas. “Last fiscal year, men made up approximately 4 percent of our clients counseled, that goes for our domestic violence counseling (4 percent) and the sexual violence program (4 percent).”
After the “Take a Walk in My Shoes” exhibit finishes its tour of businesses and organizations, the clients may keep their shoes and the remaining shoes will be kept as a 180 display, she said.
“Come to the exhibit and take a friend,” said Thomas. “Domestic violence is a subject that needs to be talked about and not hidden.”
The locations and dates for the public display of the exhibit currently includes: Dearborn Market, Holmdel, Oct 27-30; Monmouth University, West Long Branch, Nov. 2-6; Mack-Cali Realty, Red Bank, Nov. 9-13; and the Howell Library, Howell, Nov.16-20.
For more information about the “Take a Walk in My Shoes” exhibit or about hosting it, send an email to Amy Thomas at [email protected] or call 732-264-4360, ext.4231.