PHOTOS BY ERIC SUCAR staff Above: Guests view the artwork on display during an opening reception for “Take a Walk in My Shoes,” an exhibit of shoes decorated by survivors of domestic violence to raise awareness of the devastating effects of domestic abuse and to give the victims a way to tell their stories. Below: Examples of the artwork on display. Through shoes decorated with items such as buttons, ribbons, beads and words, stories of domestic abuse and, finally, freedom from it come to life in a traveling exhibit titled “Take a Walk in My Shoes.”
A program and reception attended by more than 150 people and hosted by the New Jersey Natural Gas Co. in Wall opened the exhibit of the 43 artfully created shoes Oct. 22.
A project designed to facilitate the healing process and to coincide with October as DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth, the shoes were created by clients of 180 Turning Lives Around, a nonprofit dedicated to ending domestic and sexual violence against women, men and children.
To celebrate their healing journey from abuse to a life free of abuse, current and former clients of 180 were asked to create a “shoe that tells their story.” Using art and words, survivors decorated shoes, including a shoe worn on the victim’s wedding day, sharing stories of courage, emotional growth and inspiration.
The speaker for the evening was a 56- year-old man, identified as John, who was married for 20 years and separated from an abusive spouse for about two months.
“Domestic abuse against men is a reality, unreported and met with disdain,” he said. “It must be recognized, acknowledged and legitimized.”
Less than one year into the marriage, he told those who attended the opening of the exhibit, the first physical attack occurred without warning from his wife, a woman he knew for 10 years prior to the marriage.
“The physical, verbal and financial abuse increased to frightening levels against me and eventually my son,” he said.
The intensity of the abuse against his child brought him to 180 and into art therapy and the “Take a Walk in My Shoes” project, he said. The theme of his decoupage shoe is “Men Are Victims, Too.”
“I picked out the words, but my son picked out the colors and chose the places for the words,” he said. “I’m very proud of him.”
He expressed his gratitude to the staff and services of 180 for giving him and his son a place to go, ending with the words, “Because of you, I’m back.”
Anna Diaz-White, executive director of 180, spoke at the reception and said victims are often not believed.
“It’s hard for victims to come forward, especially men who feel stigmatized by the abuse,” she said. “Help is available [at 180] regardless of gender.”
A PowerPoint display of statistics showed that for the second year in a row, Monmouth County ranks second in New Jersey for domestic violence arrests after Camden County. Diaz-White said that FBI statistics state that less than 50 percent of domestic violence cases are reported.
“I hope that this exhibit brings to you, your family or someone you know, the recognition and the awareness that domestic violence is happening,” said Diaz-White. “The sooner that happens, the sooner it will end.”
Kathleen Ellis, the newly elected president of the board of 180, gave a brief address and said that she was honored to be president but faced a daunting task.
“The one statistic that moves, motivates and haunts me is that last year 83 women and children had the courage to leave their abusive situations and come to our safe house,” said Ellis, who is executive vice president and chief operating officer of New Jersey Natural Gas. “And 83 is the number that we turned away. I’m motivated by those we served and by those we couldn’t. Please lend a hand.”
Amy Thomas, assistant
director of development for 180, said that the safe house accommodates seven women and up to 20 children. She said the “Take a Walk in My Shoes” project began in September and was modeled after a project by A Window Between Worlds, a California nonprofit organization that uses art as a healing tool to end domestic violence.
“Domestic violence extends across all socioeconomic classes and genders,” said Thomas. “Last fiscal year, men made up approximately 4 percent of our clients counseled; that goes for our domestic violence counseling [4 percent] and the sexual violence program [4 percent].”
“Take a Walk in My Shoes” will travel throughout Monmouth County, she said.
“Come to the exhibit and take a friend,” said Thomas. “Domestic violence is a subject that needs to be talked about and not hidden.”
The location and dates for public displays of “Take a Walk in My Shoes” currently include Dearborn Market, Holmdel, Oct. 27- 30; Monmouth University, West Long Branch, Nov. 2-6; Mack-Cali Realty, Red Bank, Nov. 9-13; and the Howell Township Library, Nov. 16-20.
For more information about the exhibit or hosting it, email Thomas at [email protected] or call 732-264-4360, ext.4231.
Information about 180 Turning Lives Around (formerly known as The Women’s Center of Monmouth County) and its numerous services offered to end domestic and sexual violence may be found at www.180nj.org or by calling 732-264-4111.