Chris Johnson of Princeton
Imagine: It’s early October of this year, and you receive a notice from the IRS that your 2010 federal income taxes will rise 20 percent. It says taxes are due Nov. 1.
Perplexed, you call the IRS.
You: “I don’t understand why my taxes are going up.”
IRS Guy: “I feel your pain. The problem is your income stayed the same while a lot of other people’s incomes dropped this year. We need you to pick up the slack. We’re at war, you know.”
”What? How do you know what I made this year? The year isn’t over for three months.”
”That’s true. But we looked at how much a handful other people like you have made in recent years, and we plugged it into our proprietary formula. The formula shows your income will be the same this year, but a lot of other people will make less. Would you like to pay by credit card?”
”People like me?”
”Yes, people who also live in your town and also have jobs. That’s who we looked at.”
”What if they have different jobs?”
”As long as they look like you and work about the same number of hours, it all works out.”
”Could you at least explain this proprietary formula?”
”No sir, it’s government property. Could you imagine what would happen if France got hold of it?”
”So how can I lower my taxes?”
”You have to show us that your 2010 income is less than what our proprietary formula says it is.”
”But the year’s not over yet. How do I do that?”
”Sir, I’m doing my best to help you. Like I said, look at what people like you made in past years. You should easily be able to figure out your income from that. Or, pay a lawyer to figure it out.”
”What if I determine you got my income right, but you got a lot of other people’s incomes wrong?”
”You’re not allowed to make that argument.”
”Why not? Based on what you’re saying, it doesn’t matter what I earn. It matters what I make compared with everyone else. If other people actually make more than your formula says, then it’s not fair that I have to pay more taxes.”
”We don’t look at reality; we look at the formula. The formula is always fair.”
”What if the formula is wrong?”
”The consultants we hired to create the formula say it’s unquestionably accurate, based on their studies. We have no reason to doubt them.”
”What if next year the formula shows my income went down compared with everyone else’s?”
”It won’t.”
”Why?”
”We only review these numbers every 15 years.”
Chris N. Johnson
Princeton

