Priest turned author to speak at library

Clergyman’s writing career aided by N.Y.Times’ Maureen Dowd

By Amber Cox
    BORDENTOWN CITY — It started at a dinner party in Princeton a couple years ago when the Rev. Pat Connor mentioned that he really admired New York columnist Maureen Dowd.
    Before he knew it, a meeting was arranged in Washington, D.C., and she was chatting with him about the pitfalls women face when picking a husband.
    Well, this was right up his alley, since the 81-year-old Catholic priest, who lives at the Divine Word Missionaries compound on Park Street, has been a marriage counselor for decades.
    Ms. Dowd had written a book for women, “Are Men Necessary?,” to which she answered “no.” Following her published column on Father Connor in 2008, he began receiving phone calls from numerous publishing companies asking him to write a book on the subject.
    And that’s why he will be found at the Bordentown branch library at 18 E. Union St. on Tuesday, Oct. 5 at 7 p.m. to talk about and autograph ýPage=001 Column=001 OK,0000.00þ
copies of his recently published book, “Whom Not to Marry.”
    The book is a guide for women that closely relates to Father Connor’s lectures over the years. He started out occasionally speaking to high school senior girls at private schools, giving them advice on how to pick the right mate.
    “I make the point that you can be in love with someone, deeply in love, and not have a successful marriage,” he said. “Anyone can be married.”
    Although the book is focused mainly toward women, Father Connor says that it can be applied to both sexes.
    “I could imagine men reading my book,” he said. “It contains a lot of warning signs for them.”
    The book is written for the modern woman and Father Connor says that the hardships of the financial times make marriages “very difficult.”
    Father Connor said that the most common cause of a failed marriage is the issue of money. Cohabitation can also lead to issues in a future marriage. When couples live together before they are married they are ýPage=001 Column=002 OK,0000.00þ
able to keep separate bank accounts, when they marry the issue of joint bank accounts arises. In history, the man was seen as the provider.
    “When the man, especially the man, has no job, he may feel like a failure,” Father Connor said. “I try to treat the subject of money carefully when counseling couples.”
    However, Father Connor says that each case has to be judged in a separate way. Some couples will live together before marriage, but there is a difference between couples living together with plans to marry and those living together with no plans of marriage.
    “You can’t condemn people for their choices,” he said. “Every couple is different.”
    During recent years, Father Connor has noticed more and more Catholics becoming “weary” of the priesthood and their counseling because of the alleged pedophilia in the Catholic Church.
    “The willingness of the clients to trust the priesthood has to be there,” Father Connor said.
    After “Whom Not to Marry” was published in May, a book signing was held at Stuart Country Day ýPage=001 Column=003 OK,0000.00þ
School of the Sacred Heart in Princeton, where Father Connor has been a chaplain for 27 years.
    “One woman bought 10 copies to give to some of her troubled relatives,” Father Connor said.
    Father Connor, a native of AusýPage=001 Column=004 OK,0001.08þ
tralia, didn’t always have plans of becoming a priest. In his late teens he was an avid reader and was inspired by a fictional novel about an Englishman who gave up everything to work with lepers. The book is based on the story of Father Damien, a Catholic priest, who went to work with people with leprosy.”In my day, doing that meant you became a priest,” Father Connor said. “Things like the Peace Corps didn’t exist. Up until then, I desperately wanted to be a journalist.”
    Father Connor joined the missionaries in 1951 and trained until he was ordained in 1957. His training was completed in Chicago. After he was ordained he completed mission work in India, where he stayed for nine years. There he mainly taught young Indian men.
    “I worked in India for many years,” Father Connor said. “I had a motorcycle and during my free time I would drive 600 miles to Bombay and back, without a helmet.”
    Father Connor was asked to come to the United States to earn his master’s in counseling by his bishop in India. He completed his courses at Fordham University in New York. After completing the ýPage=005 Column=005 OK,0030.09þ
program Father Connor tried to return to India but was denied a visa because all missionaries were banned. There was and still is an overabundance of missionaries there.
    “It seems the missionaries there are full to overflowing, while ours are practically empty,” Father Connor said. “They can afford to send men to us. That’s why you see so many priests of different nationalities in the Catholic Church.”
    Father Connor settled at the Divine Word Missionaries in Bordentown City in 1974. At one time he was the editor of the order’s annual book “The Word and the World.” Each book was dedicated to a different country and as editor Father Connor was able to travel to them. He has traveled to China, Rome, and a number of other places. “Like a true missionary I haven’t been isolated in one place,” he said.
    The Divine Word Missionaries opened in 1950 on the old Bonaparte property as a seminary. In 1983 a fire destroyed the residence and it became the order it is today.
    “It’s mainly a retirement community for priests though, some are still active,” Father Connor said. “It’s a busy and prayerful community full of retired priests who are more or less sentenced to live here after retirement.”
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There are a wide range of ages at the order, the youngest being around 45 and the oldest 94.
    Because Father Connor is a native of Australia, he is able to go back every three years.
    “The rule of the order is that foreigners can go back every three years to visit their family,” he said. “I have a brother, six years younger than me, who has a wife and three grown children, so it’s fun to visit them for a while.”
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His last trip to Australia was for his 80th birthday and plans to return in two years.
    Father Connor, like any modest man, doesn’t care much about the attention he is receiving from his book.
    “I don’t care one way or another,” he said. “I just like to know people are reading it.”