By: centraljersey.com
Potential is a dangerous word, say psychologists Eileen Kennedy-Moore, of Cranbury, and Mark Lowenthal, authors of "Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child’s True Potential.
Fears about not achieving potential can create a burden for children and parents who feel pressured to start early, go faster, do more or risk falling short, they say.
Surprisingly, the greatest anxiety about achievement – in both kids and parents – often surrounds the children who have the most scholastic aptitude, the authors say. Because these children are so capable, the stakes feel very high for them, they say.
The pressure to perform can eclipse and complicate their ability to figure out who they are, what matters to them and where they fit in the world, say the authors. They may even come to see their accomplishments as the measure of their worth, the authors say.
This leaves children vulnerable, the authors say. If they don’t perform perfectly, if someone else is "smarter" or if they have to struggle to learn something, they feel inadequate or even worthless, they say.
"Even their victories can feel empty because admiration is a cold substitute for closeness," Ms. Kennedy-Moore said.
"Smart Parenting for Smart Kids" is a book for parents who understand potential is not an end point but a capacity to grow and learn, Ms. Kennedy-Moore said.
"It makes no sense to talk about kids not living up to their potential because the miracle of children is that we just don’t know how they will change or who they will become," she said. "Our job as parents is to try to equip our children for their journey, rather than to dictate their path."
"Smart Parenting for Smart Kids" offers parents strategies to help children cope with feelings, embrace learning and build relationships, the authors say. Drawing from research as well as their clinical experience, Ms. Kennedy-Moore and Mr. Lowenthal identify and address seven fundamental challenges – tempering perfectionism; building connection; managing sensitivity; dealing with authority figures; handling cooperation and competition; developing motivation; and finding joy.
These are issues children struggle with and parents worry about. Each chapter features anecdotes describing familiar and painful dilemmas involving children between ages 6 and 12 as well as discussions and solutions.
Dr. Kennedy-Moore is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Princeton where she works with children, adults, and families. Dr. Kennedy-Moore is the author or co-author of several books and has been quoted in numerous national magazines, including Parents, Parenting, Woman’s Day and Family Circle.
She frequently speaks at schools and conferences about parenting and children’s feelings and friendships. Dr. Kennedy-Moore lives in Cranbury with her husband and their four children.
Dr.. Lowenthal has helped many children and their families during his 22 years as a clinical psychologist. He has a full-time private practice in Maplewood, working with children, adolescents and adults. He and his wife, a pediatrician, have two children.