By Stephanie Vaccaro, Staff Writer
When 13-year-old Sam Gelfand began preparing for his bar mitzvah, he had to decide on a project for tikkun olam, which means “repairing the world.” He didn’t want to collect canned food or raise money. Instead he chose to raise awareness on a topic he knows intimately what it’s like to have Asperger’s syndrome.
And what initially began as a means to fulfill a requirement quickly became much more. By the end of his first year speaking, he will have given more than 10 talks.
Sam was diagnosed with many different conditions starting at age 3, but was not officially diagnosed with Asperger’s until the age of 9. Allison Craigie, Sam’s mother, suspected something in the first few days of his life.
Asperger’s is a spectrum disorder also known as high-functioning autism. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s most recent data estimates that 1 in 110 children have an autism spectrum disorder.
In an effort to help Sam be as typical as possible, his parents took him to specialists and therapists. He did occupational therapy to help him with small motor skills. He attended a special handwriting class so he could learn to form letters properly and strengthen his hand muscles. He had behavior therapy to understand and address his moods. He went to play therapy to teach him how to properly interact with other kids. He went through desensitization therapy because he was very sensitive to the point of screaming when he felt toothpaste, shampoo or lotion.
Sam estimates that the number of therapies he has tried is in the teens.
”Do you know how much work it has taken to act like those kids in your class?” he said to a group of 3rd to 7th grade students and their parents at his most recent talk at Kehilat Shalom in Belle Mead.
In his speech, he conveys some of the difficulties people with Asperger’s face, including socializing, sensory sensitivities and obsessive fixations on particular topics.
For Sam, it started with the color blue. His early fascination resulted in his demanding that he color only with blue, wear only blue and have a blue room. Later it was baseball, where he knew countless details about a variety of leagues. Now, he’s interested in cars. He also loves to draw baseball stadiums and concept cars and has posted an album of his designs and drawings.
But the hyper-focusing has an upside Sam has a patent pending on a mechanical toothbrush he designed.
”Yesterday was actually International Autism Awareness Day,” said Sam on Sunday, who expected that his audience might ask how he celebrated the day.
”I did the most Aspie-thing I could think of,” said Sam. “I got up at 6 a.m. I went to my desk and designed cars for 12 hours the new Jeep Wrangler, regular and unlimited.”
Raising awareness regarding the technical aspects of the syndrome was only one motivation for his talk. Being bullied as a result was another. Sam was made fun of, pushed against lockers and even hit with a baseball bat all of which resulted in an increase in anxiety and a decrease in his grades.
While he goes about raising awareness of a condition that increases in prevalence with each passing decade, he’s finding that initially people are hesitant to talk or learn about people that are different.
”It’s a tough society these days because you’re taught that people that are different than you, you should probably stay away from,” said Sam. “At the same time, it’s a society that teaches you not to feel good about yourself. Also, in addition to inspiring people with this speech and with the questions and talking, I’m also helping people feel better about themselves, and that’s also another great thing about the speech.”
Although he’s still sensitive to lotions, has tics, can occasionally be antisocial and is still a little inflexible, he is now interested in multiple topics, is calmer, has discovered his sense of humor and doesn’t let people bully him. He can also throw and catch a baseball and run without flapping his arms. Sam has also improved his speech and stammering.
For Sam, there are no limits. He’s ready to take his speech on the road.
”The farthest I’ve spoken so far is a school in Connecticut,” said Sam. “I may be speaking in Florida some time, and soon I’m hoping to spread throughout the United States, possibly get interviewed on TV. My mom knows a documentary producer that’s possibly interested in doing a story on me.”
Yet, he is surprised how well his speech has been received.
”The thing that amazes me when I’m speaking is that I can actually capture these peoples’ attention that long,” said Sam. “Usually when someone comes to my school and speaks, my eyes are glazed over within the first five minutes. I’m definitely surprised that I can not just keep peoples’ attention, but I’m surprised that they can laugh with me and relate to me and ask questions about me.”
”Most of the appeal of my speech is that sure you can have doctors and experts come in and they can talk about it, but the reason that my speech is received so well is because I am a student just like the people I’m talking to and I can say firsthand what it’s like instead of saying what studies show,” said Sam. “I can show what it actually is.
”If the other kids can focus on what’s good about us and appreciate or if they have to, ignore what’s different, they usually discover that we make very good friends. That is because we know what a gift a good friend can be.”

