Rename it and he might live there

By Andy Koontz
   It’s clear that if there’s one thing we New Jerseyans don’t like, it’s having our governor bomb around in a state helicopter, swooping down to watch his son’s baseball game only to swoop out again five innings and $2,000 later.
   A colossal waste of taxpayer money, and we don’t like seeing tax dollars colossally wasted.
   What’s the alternative? New Jersey’s a small state, but it’s still a fair amount of ground to cover, and the governor is expected to cover a lot of it. How to transport him if not by helicopter? Well, we could have state troopers drive him around our congested roads at high speed — wait, we tried that with Gov. Corzine, and, you may recall, it ended badly.
   Why not provide the governor with a home near Trenton so his family can be much closer by? This fuss started, after all, because Gov. Christie wanted to spend quality time with his son. Oh, that’s right, we already provide him with just such a home — a mansion, no less — but this governor, like many others, refuses to live there.
   I’ve always wondered about this. It looks like a nice place to live. Good neighborhood. Great local schools. Someone cleans the place for you, and mows the lawn. Heck, I’d live there if I could! But more often than not, the minute someone becomes governor, the next thing you hear is that newly elected Governor So-and-so has no intention of living in Drumthwacket.
   Someone should convene a meeting of governors past and present and ask them, “What could have convinced you to live at Drumthwacket?” With all the talk of sustainability, it would be great if the governor could set an example of keeping it “local” by living only a half hour’s drive from his workplace. Plus it’s a waste for the state to support a place where so few want to live.
   Our current governor chose to keep his family in Mendham, fearing that uprooting his kids from their schools would be too disruptive. Apparently, having Dad commute to work in Trenton over 75 minutes each way and choppering in for baseball games was the less disruptive option.
   I’m willing to take Gov. Christie at his word, but my suspicion is that the unwillingness of governor after governor to call Drumthwacket home stems from the unfortunate fact that the home is called “Drumthwacket.”
   It is a strange name. It sounds like the estate of an eccentric British lord. Governors likely worry about widespread mirth on talk radio should they decide to move in.
   So change the name! A buddy and I talked about this, and given Gov. Christie’s a big Bruce fan, we tried to think of a name so Jersey, Springsteen himself would live there.
   Here’s our proposal: Rename the governor’s mansion after Bruce’s classic “Jungleland” — an apt name, considering New Jersey’s politics. Tennessee can keep its Graceland. New Jersey will have its Jungleland!
   And if there’s a helipad on the property? Remove it.
   Andy Koontz is a Mercer County Freeholder who lives in Princeton..