A lthough most of the up-and-coming generation has their finger on the pulse of technology, you’ve never seen a young man quite like our Vernon.
He possesses all of the latest software and knows how to link his laptop with his iPad via his iPhone.
In short, the kid pushes buttons like it’s his job.
When we bought the younger boys a new laptop for Christmas, it was our Vernon who installed all of the necessary programs. He set it up, tuned it finely and handed it to his brothers and said, “I hope you appreciate all that I do for you.”
Vernon then returned to his campus home far away from his mother and told his brothers he’d left them in good standing.
Little did his brothers know that Vernon had not only done the necessary installations on their new computer, but had made himself the administrator. No one really paid it any mind. I mean, how much power can an administrator of a laptop wield, anyway? It never really posed much of a problem until our Lawrence was typing up a history paper on his new laptop and instead of the research he had done on the Louisiana Purchase, “What are you doing, Noob?” appeared on the screen.
“Mom!” Lawrence called out, “Vernon is using remote access.”
Now, I’m sure there are mothers out there who, at hearing this, would draw in a deep breath, clutch their chest and express a heartfelt, “Oh no!”
But being a woman who isn’t up to snuff on late-breaking technology, I kept to the tasks at hand and simply replied, “That’s nice, Dear.”
“You don’t understand,” Lawrence exclaimed as he dumbed it down for me, “he’s hacking into my history paper!”
My, how far things have come from the days when I’d tattle on my brother for pulling my hair.
“How do you know?” I asked as I approached.
“Well, do you really think I’d type this?” When I looked at the screen, I saw the little pointer moving, although no one was touching the device, as Vernon clicked on this and scrolled on that. Screens were changing and alterations being made so rapidly that it would make your hub spin. He opened some applications, closed others, and then made alterations faster than you can say “gigabyte.”
All from his campus home!
“Vernon!” I said in the text that I fired off to him, using capital letters so he knew that I meant it, “Leave your brother alone!” We couldn’t hear Vernon’s rolling laughter or see him slapping his knee as he guffawed, yet we knew it was happening. We would have immediately replaced Vernon as administrator if it weren’t for one thing — he was the only one who knew how. But I’m the mom, and Mom overpowers administrators in any and all in-home situations, so I told Vernon that if he didn’t quit hacking into the home-based computer, that I would have his cell phone shut off. You show me someone who thinks that sounds brutal and I’ll show you a woman who has never logged on to Facebook to see that her son had exchanged her cute profile picture with something that he’d manipulated in Fat Booth. The humanity! When Vernon returned home last week, I found him parked in his old spot in our garage and pushing buttons in his Jeep. “What are you doing now?” I inquired. You never know with Vernon — he may be changing radio stations or sending a message to NASA via his Bluetooth device. “I’m syncing Lawrence’s garage door opener with mine.” Sounded like a technological mess to me, so I simply said, “Oh,” and went on about my business. I never gave it much thought until Lawrence came into the house the next day and proclaimed, “Hey! My garage door opener doesn’t work.” Doesn’t that just beat all? Most likely Vernon could now open our garage door through a satellite somewhere over the Western Hemisphere, yet we couldn’t open it from 3 feet in front of it. “How do I fix this?” I asked of Vernon as I called him post-haste. “Can’t you people do anything without me?” he retorted. As soon as I can figure out how, I’m going to unsync his iPhone from all of his iDevices. Now, that will really push his buttons.
Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book “Are We There Yet?” You can reach her at [email protected].