My mother was quite adamant about the family’s involvement with housekeeping. We had our familial floor-waxing sessions, our mop-board bonanzas, and who could forget the dust-if-we-must commemorations?
Itwas enough to make an adolescent choke on her feather duster.
When we weren’t cleaning, we were being coached on how to keep things sanitary. “Take off your shoes! Doesn’t anyone remember where the laundry room is located?,” and my personal favorite, “How about we try not to live like animals!”
While Mom was cleaning and offering instructional seminars for keeping the abode tidy, my father’s duty was to make sure the family sedan remained shipshape.
We were strongly encouraged to wipe our feet before climbing into the sterile wagon, forbidden to write on steamed-up windows, and for the love of Pete, did no one see that pebble on the floor?
I may not have turned out to be the cleanest woman this side of Indiana, but I do try. I keep up with the dishes, can spin out clean laundry with the best of them and, thanks to tubs of anti-bacterial wipes, I have a bathroom that can pass a casual inspection.
If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about me, it’s that when the house is clean, I’m nothing but cranky. I lack the warm and fuzzy feeling that a mother should have when her kids drop a dirty gym bag on the floor. I don’t welcome hugs amidst a cluttered coffee table and have never relished the thought of smelly socks in my seasonal displays.
That said, I’ve had a tendency to pick up after the kids myself. Although I complain, I declutter the coffee table and grumble as I remove their dirty socks from the snowmen during the winter season.
Although our eldest son was never tidy here at the Clinch household, Vernon did pick up on a thing or two from his mother. He keeps his campus home clean, the floors vacuumed and to hear him tell it, he hates nothing more than when toothpaste splatter is left in his bathroom sinks.
This has posed a problem or two since Huey, son number two, moved in with his older brother. Vernon has pointed out that Huey leaves dirty dishes in the sink, and has the audacity to utilize drinking vessels in the family room with nary a coaster to be found.
Rather than resort to his mother’s grumbling ways and picking up after others, Vernon has been creative with his brother’s punishment. Word has gotten back that Vernon puts dirty dishes on Huey’s bed, throws his soiled garb back into his sibling’s bedroom, and with a creative flair unscrewed his light bulbs as retribution when Huey left the lights on. Talk about the punishment fitting the crime. Since they also share Vernon’s Jeep, poor Huey has had to live the life that I led with my father’s car. Apparently he’s not diligent about keeping the seat belts tidy and isn’t mindful enough to kick the dirt off his shoes before climbing into the cab.
“This is all your fault,” Vernon said when he opened Huey’s bedroom door during our recent visit and pointed to the cluttered floor. “You can’t pin that on me,” I said in my defense.
“Oh yes I can. You never made any of us clean up after ourselves.”
He can say what he wants to, but I’m here to contend that Vernon didn’t discover how to utilize a scrubby all on his own. He learned from experience that nothing cleans the tub like a jug of bleach and that a whole house can sparkle by using little more than a bottle ofWindex.
I must say that Huey is wise beyond his years as well. He may not presoak his dishes, but knows how to use a spoon to chip away day-old cereal. He has used Vernon’s vinegar to clean up coffee stains and has discovered all on his own that toothpaste residue doubles as a cleaning agent when one utilizes a Chore Boy sponge.
In addition to his home education, Huey has truly learned from Vernon. Why, just last week word got back to us that Huey shoved a dirty T-shirt in the heat duct in Vernon’s bedroom as retaliation for keeping the thermostat set to a temperature reminiscent of an unheated barn.
Huey may not be the cleanest kid, but he refuses to live like an animal.
Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book “Are We There Yet?” You can reach her at [email protected].