Susan Patton, Princeton University alumna and author of the relationship advice book “Marry Smart: Advice for Finding THE ONE,” spoke on the Princeton University campus Thursday night as part
By Brian J. Geiger, Special Writer
Susan Patton, Princeton University alumna and author of the relationship advice book “Marry Smart: Advice for Finding THE ONE,” spoke on the Princeton University campus Thursday night as part of a panel discussion. The early part of the panel focused on Ms. Patton’s view that Princeton females who value having a family later on in life should focus on developing a meaningful relationship with another and finding a potential husband while still in college.
”While you’re on campus, of course get a world class education, but, while you’re doing that, take a good look around at the men in your class,” Ms. Patton said in front of a full Whig Hall Senate Chamber. “You’ll never again have this extraordinary opportunity of having so many men to choose from.”
Ms. Patton said she understands that not everyone wants to be married and have children, but “if you know that having children is critically important for your life plan for happiness, you have to start so much sooner than you think.”
The panel also featured Sara Eckel, author of “It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single,” and Claire Fallon, books editor for the Huffington Post and author of the article “The 10 Worst Pieces of Advice from Susan Patton’s Marry Smart.” Much of the discussion involved Ms. Eckel and Ms. Fallon questioning Ms. Patton’s views.”The idea that the quality of men would drop off so drastically after I graduated did not happen in the slightest,” said Ms. Fallon, also a Princeton graduate. “The people I work with are very intelligent and have friends who are very intelligent; that’s how I met my boyfriend who did not go to Princeton.”
Ms. Eckel objected to Patton’s view that meeting a significant other becomes markedly more difficult once a woman leaves college and enters the workforce.
”I’m confused by this idea that you focus on your career after college and you never go to drinks night, you never go on a date,” Ms. Eckel said. “I don’t think people live their lives that way.”
In “Marry Smart,” Ms. Patton argues that women bear a responsibility to avoid being the victims of sexual assault, writing that a provocatively dressed drunk woman “must bear accountability for what may happen.” This prompted a response letter signed by over 200 members of the Princeton University faculty and questions from a number of audience members.
”What I’m saying, what I’ve always said, is women have to be completely responsible for themselves, be completely in control of themselves; this is what’s empowering,” Ms. Patton said. “[Women] are responsible for their own safety and their own happiness. To deny that is to disempower women. I’m looking to empower women, to tell them they’re responsible and in control.”
The other panelists were not sold.
”Here’s something I find disempowering: spreading the message to society that if you’re a man and you target a woman who’s extremely drunk, you will not be prosecuted for a crime,” Ms. Fallon said. “There are men who, for the majority of these kinds of rape, target women who are drunk because they know the women won’t be able to find belief in their support system.”
Ms. Patton pointed out that many state and federal laws exist to prosecute perpetrators of sexual assault, and noted that men and women each have a responsibility to avoid being in a state where they could lose control.
”You’re skirting this by saying we should tell men directly ‘don’t do it.’” Ms. Fallon said. “If we create a system where women are not likely to be received and men are less likely to be penalized for their actions, we are creating a safer system for those men to work in.”
Alyson Neel, a 25 year-old graduate student at Princeton, joined the conversation from the audience.
”It’s irresponsible and dangerous to say that victims of sexual assault bear this responsibility,” Ms. Neel said, directing her comment to Ms. Patton. Ms. Patton asked Ms. Neel if she believes that women have to make an effort to keep themselves safe from assault by acting with discretion.
”I think you’re focusing on the wrong part of the problem,” Ms. Neel said.

