Speaker on life skills no stranger to bullying

By AMY ROSEN
Staff Writer

 Ron Shuali Ron Shuali When Ron Shuali speaks about bullying, he speaks from the heart. He also speaks from experience, as he was both a bully and a victim in his own life. Now, he is dedicated to breaking what he calls the “bullying circle.”

Shuali, founder of Shua Life Skills, will present “Breaking the Bullying Circle” 3-4 p.m. Aug. 9 at the Middlesex County Fair, 655 Cranbury Road, East Brunswick.

Children will be taught how to avoid being a bully, communicate with parents about bullying and help another child who is being bullied.

Parents will be taught how to recognize signs of bullying in their children, how schools may be unknowingly escalating chances of “bullycides” and incidents, and how to empower children so that they do not become victims. Shuali also encourages parents to reward children for standing up for themselves.

Born in Israel, Shuali grew up in East Brunswick and now lives in Highland Park.

He said he was bullied at a military academy at age 12. At the time, he was a chubby kid with glasses who couldn’t keep up with the physical demands of the regiment. The officers in charge threatened to punish his whole group if he couldn’t keep up. This resulted in further threats from his group members.

Shuali was so terrified of the constant threats and physical violence from the other kids that he faked a suicide attempt during his third week by drinking brass cleaner.

Fortunately, his desperate attempt convinced his parents that he had to get out of there. The academy was eventually shut down as a result of Shuali’s actions, he said.

“I had to make a choice that I never want to be a victim of bullying again,” Shuali said.

When he returned to public school, Shuali decided that becoming a bully was the best way to keep from being a victim.

“For about two years, I was a nightmare in the school that I was in until I had an eye-opening experience,” he said.

After being on both ends of the bullying issue, Shuali earned a black belt in martial arts and eventually started teaching it to children. Through working with his students, he realized that attempts by society to deal with bullying issues have resulted in a more serious problem.

“What I’ve been seeing the last 15 to 20 years is that society has had such a major shift in responsibility that children are being driven to what is now called ‘bullycide,’” Shuali said. “They try to take their own life to get out of an impossible situation.”

According to Shuali, political correctness is to blame. School administrators and teachers are made to enforce zero-tolerance rules that result in bizarre consequences for innocent young children, he said.

Shuali currently has a petition on Change.org that seeks to repeal zero-tolerance laws. He cited the story of a teacher who was forced to report a first-grader who was then suspended for kissing a little girl on the hand. He also said third-graders have been suspended for weapons possession when their parents pack plastic knives in their lunchboxes. “Children are now being taught that if you defend yourself, you get in trouble,” he said, citing the zero-tolerance philosophy.

Parents must let their children know that they will support them if they need to defend themselves, he said.

As Shuali did, victims sometimes hurt themselves or others in an effort to end the pain, or become a bully themselves to ensure they won’t be a victim again. Shuali aims to break that cycle.

In his workshops, he provides children with the mental tools to deflate a bully by giving them the impression that their words and actions have no impact.

He also teaches bystanders to speak up and realize that it’s not tattling; it’s helping a victim if they witness bullying and report it to an authority figure. As a martial arts instructor, Shuali also teaches children how to defend themselves in case they can’t walk away from a potentially violent situation.

“What these children are being taught nowadays is the opposite of real life,” Shuali said. “If Mom and Dad are walking down the block and someone grabs Mom’s purse, should Dad stand there and cry, or defend his family?”

He advises parents not only to reward children for standing up for themselves, but also to celebrate the day that they did so annually to acknowledge their accomplishment.

“If you do that, your child will have a different perspective on life because they will be an empowered child and grow up to be an empowered adult,” Shuali said. “They will never be a victim again.”

A Rutgers University graduate, Shuali has studied many types of brain-based learning styles and is currently working toward a master’s degree in early childhood.

He has devoted years to studying philosophy, psychology and other modalities to understand the mind, with a special focus on children and their development, he said.

The workshop in East Brunswick is free; however, admission to the Middlesex County Fair is $7 for adults and $1 for children ages 3-12.

For more information, visit www.ronspeak.com.