Steering You Right By Sharon Peters
Q: I have a teenager who will begin driving this summer. We’ve talked about the importance of being responsible and not acting like a fool behind the wheel. I’m not sure I’ve thought up everything I should be worrying about or saying to him. Tips?
A: Sure. Lots of them.
- Clean up your own driving act. If you are guilty of rolling semi-stops, tailgating or wide right turns; or if you push the edges of the amber/red-light shift, drive after having a couple drinks or while talking on the phone, you absolutely increase the risk that you’ll have trouble with your teen driver.
Your son has noticed your bad-driving behavior, of that you can be sure. And you can’t erase years of infractions with three months of your silently and suddenly toeing the line. Now’s the time for a family meeting … about you, not him. Tell him that you’ve been a bit sloppy about the rules of the road in the past, that you recognize the danger and that now you intend to travel the straight and narrow. Mention that since he’s a driver-in-training, he can help by calling to your attention any mistakes you make. And don’t chew him out when he does.
If, however, you think you’ve been a great driver and have nothing to apologize for, initiate conversation with your son whenever you see other drivers do bone-headed things. Invite him to ask questions whenever you do anything he thinks isn’t quite right.
This is the most important thing to remember: Driving is not one of those situations when you can declare, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Kids are predisposed to ignoring rules. And you give them permission to do that to its fullest when you, the responsible grown-up, breach them.
- Don’t let him behind the wheel of a “hot” car for a few more years. If there’s any research, I haven’t been able to find it, but anecdotally you’ve seen this as much as I have: An 18-year-old boy in a sports car seems to need to show of his – and it’s – stuff more than the same kid in a big old 12-year-old clunker.
- Spend a lot of time riding with him not only when he’s in the driver’s-permit stage (practice matters a lot) but also after he gets his license. This demonstrates that you’re still invested in his driving and allows you to identify any bad practices or habits.
- Have strict rules about the number of kids he ferries about at once. One young companion is the max in my mind – and the law in an growing number of states – as group idiocy often sets in with two or more teen passengers. Limit driving to specific destinations for the first year (no “riding-around” to kill time all afternoon) and ban or limit night driving, since statistically, that’s when teens have the most car wrecks.
Some states have begun what’s often termed “graduated” driving privileges, placing certain restrictions on young drivers for the first six or 12 months after they get a license. Make sure you and he are aware of the laws that apply in your state. If you need to establish family laws of your own because your state isn’t as strict as some others, do it.
- Be a relentless, unapologetic confiscator-of-the-keys if any driving rules are broken. A zero-tolerance approach is justified given that car crashes are the number-one killer of teens in this country.
Good luck. This is a tough rite of passage. And, as a child psychologist told me, the kids and parents who get through it most successfully are the ones who are very clear that driving is a privilege that must be re-earned every day.
© CTW Features
What’s your question? Sharon Peters would like to hear about what’s on your mind when it comes to caring for, driving and repairing your vehicle. E-mail her at [email protected].