By Nanditha Krishnamsetty, M.D.
Bullying can happen in school, on the playground and now even on the Internet through social networking sites. Bullying is intentional tormenting that can be physical, social or psychological. Hitting, shoving, threatening, shunning and spreading rumors can all be forms of bullying. Kids who experience bullying can become depressed, develop low self-esteem, avoid school, feel physically ill, and even think about killing themselves.
Other than seeing signs of physical harm like cuts or bruises, it may be hard to know about bullying unless your child tells you or you ask. That’s why it’s a good idea to bring up the subject, even if you don’t suspect anything. Also, let your children know how important it is to tell an adult if they have been bullied or if they have witnessed any other children being bullied. Changes in your child’s normal behavior may be warning signs of bullying. Signs to look for include: anxiety, moodiness, less sleep, loss of appetite or avoidance of normal routines, such as taking the school bus.
One of the reasons kids don’t tell parents about bullying is because they are afraid of their parents’ reaction. If your child tells you they are being bullied, stay calm, offer support, and tell them you are going to help. Never advise your child to tough it out or fight back. Kids who fight get hurt, and both kids may get in trouble. Instead, reassure your child. Make sure they know that he or she is not to blame and should not be ashamed. Praise the courage it took to come forward and get all the information you can about the bullying, including who is involved, how often it happens, and where it takes place. Be sure to let the proper authorities know. Don’t confront the bully’s parents on your own. Leave that to school or other officials.
Talk to your child about locations, groups of kids, and activities that should be avoided. Make sure they use the buddy system when at risk. And discuss where to go and whom to ask for help in case of an incident. In the case of so-called cyberbullying there are some steps you can take to prevent bullying. Work with your child to develop a screen name that does not disclose any personal information. Teach them to keep his or her password a secret from friends. Also insist that they never share any personal information online or go into any chat room. Also, to let you know immediately if anyone online is threatening or behaving inappropriately.
Finally, remember that many kids become bullies because they learn bullying at home. Children who are exposed to anger, shame and violence are at risk for becoming bullies. You don’t want your child to be bullied and you certainly don’t want your child to be a bully. Make your home environment safe and supportive.
Psychiatrist Nanditha Krishnamsetty, M.D., is part of Bay Behavioral Health at Raritan Bay Medical Center, a member of the Hackensack Meridian Health family. The practice provides comprehensive assessment, counseling and, when necessary, medication management for children (age 8) through adults to achieve mind/body wellness. Bay Behavioral Health is located at Raritan Bay – Old Bridge, Suite 302, 3 Hospital Plaza. For more information or to make an appointment, call 732-360-4077.