By Andrew Martins, Managing Editor
Nearly two years ago, life for the Goldstone family in Hillsborough was not unlike many. Though Jeremy Goldstone and his wife Lisa had divorced, they lived in separate houses but stayed close to each other so their son, Wesley, could stay in the area.
As a 17-year-old student at Hillsborough High School, Wesley played rugby and loved riding motorcycles with his dad. He worked part-time at the Hallmark store on Route 206. Like other kids his age, he dreamed of going to college and living the rest of his life.
“Wes was an amazing young man. The thing that always struck me was that he was liked by everyone and he liked everyone,” Lisa said. “They called him ‘the Mayor’ in first grade … He was just a great kid.”
And that was why his suicide in his mother’s former Hillsborough Road residence in September 2014 came as a shock to so many.
“He kissed me goodnight and that was it,” Wesley’s mother said. “The next thing I know, it’s pouring rain … his Jeep is still in the driveway, I can’t find him and then sure enough, there he is in the basement.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), Wesley was one of the 786 deaths by suicide in New Jersey that year. Suicide is the 12th leading cause of death in the state and the third most leading cause of death of people aged 15 to 24.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) also estimates that “more than twice as many people die by suicide in New Jersey than by homicide.” On average, one person dies by suicide every 11 hours in the state.
That’s information that Lisa, now living in Ohio, hopes she can help bring to the forefront next month during the Central New Jersey AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk.
AFSP funds research, creates educational programs, advocates for public policy, and supports survivors of suicide loss.
“If one person could not die because of Wesley’s death, then I think that it’s worthwhile,” she said.
Every year, the AFSP holds their local and national Out of the Darkness walks in order to shed light on the stigma between suicide and mental illness.
Looking back, Lisa points to a concussion her son suffered in 2012 while playing rugby. Shortly after treatment, the teen lost his ability to easily turn his thoughts into statements. It became a cause of frustration for him and after seeing a neurologist in Princeton, the family learned that a cyst had formed on his brain.
For two years, Lisa said Wesley dealt with regular migraines, occasional difficulties with his motor skills and a change in his personality.
“You could just see him getting frustrated with it,” she said. “He just became reluctant but in terms of whether he was going to commit suicide? There were absolutely no signs.”
By the summer of 2014, the family took Wesley to another neurologist, where they learned that the cyst had grown three times larger. Rather than growing on top of the brain tissue, Lisa said the growth pushed into his brain, causing acute compression in his skull.
His final day consisted of a doctor’s visit where he received a spinal tap in order to relieve some of the pressure building in his brain.
Following his death, Lisa said Wesley had written in his journal that he was worried brain surgery would alter who he was, after being told that was a 20 percent outcome by a doctor.
“In his journal, he wrote ‘I only want to be who I am. I can’t imagine life as anything else and so I choose to end it this way,’ ” Lisa said.
Had he not suffered the concussion and had the cyst on his brain not formed, Lisa believes her child would be heading back for another year of college this month. It’s this realization that made her want to work to help people understand the possible connection of brain trauma and suicide.
“I just want the parents to be aware that if a kid gets a head injury … you just don’t know,” she said. “There is so much information available and it is so easy to share — but like so many other parents, I never thought I needed to know the information.”
On Sunday, Oct. 2, Team WG will participate in the Central Jersey Out of the Darkness Walk, which will start at 10 a.m. at Buccleuch Park, New Brunswick.
Last year, the team raised more than $1,000 and had 45 members. This year, the team is looking to raise $3,000, with donations collected both on site and online at http://tinyurl.com/TeamWG.
The overall goal for the Central Jersey walk is to raise $100,000.
With National Suicide Prevention Week running from Sept. 5 to 11 and World Suicide Prevention Day on Sept. 10, Lisa said she hopes people will try to get involved in some capacity.
“Even if you just light the candle on Sept. 10, then that’s enough. That’s a start,” she said.
Regardless of what people do, Lisa hopes the specter of suicide, mental illness and the lives they forever alter will someday be a thing of the past. If only to remember her son.
“(Wesley) would want this to not be about him, but about using his experience to help others,” she said. “He would want to affect change. He was all about helping everybody.”
