A misguided effort to protect the farm team

CODA

GREG BEAN

I f you see stories on the news about long lines at the gas pumps around Washington, D.C., this holiday season, it won’t be because they’re short on gas, or that prices have dropped to record lows. It will be because certain folks at the U.S. Department of Labor have stopped by to use the free air, in order to fill their heads up to the recommended 32 psi of pressure.

It seems that the federal department is in the process of updating child labor regulations for farms. Citing statistics about the number of injuries and occasional deaths among young people who work in agriculture, the proposed regulations attempt to address a serious problem. But like many misguided bureaucratic fiats that attempt to protect us from ourselves, they will have incredibly negative consequences. Among other things, people under 18 would be prohibited from doing many common jobs around the farm or ranch, unless the worker is a family member, and only then if the farm or ranch is unincorporated, which many are. Those under 16 would be prohibited from doing many more.

Workers under 16, for example, would be banned from working under “extreme or arduous conditions,” so say goodbye to all those part-time summer jobs in farm or ranch country that require kids to work hard and get sweaty, like baling hay. It would also prohibit them from any activity where an animal’s behavior might be “unpredictable,” working with noncastrated livestock over 6 months old, or working on ladders. It would prohibit them from operating any power-driven machine, unless they’re under the supervision of a parent or guardian, so say goodbye to everything from riding a small tractor in the garden to mowing the grass. There are lots of other restrictions that mean, cumulatively, that most kids under 16 can do little meaningful work on a farm or ranch, ever.

If you grew up in farm or ranch country, you’ll know immediately how ridiculous these proposed regulations are. In those areas, everyone in the family, and many neighbors, pitch in — in large part out of necessity, but also so that the younger generations can learn how things are done. But farms and ranches also provide lots of seasonal jobs for young people in towns where there might only be a dozen retail outlets — and the Tastee Freez and the hardware store only hire a handful.

When I was a kid, my first job was on a nearby sheep ranch, and the rancher who hired me also hired about half the boys in my class for the summer. It was hard work, but it was an incredible learning experience, and I still look back on that season as one of the happiest of my life. During haying season and the sugar beet campaign in the fall, farms and ranches across the state provided enough seasonal work to keep high school boys and girls in spending money through Christmas. And that was happening — and is still happening — in nearly every agricultural community in our nation to this very day. Unfortunately, it may all be coming to an end. Protecting children is a noble and worthwhile effort, but sweeping regulations like this are not the answer. There has to be a way to rewrite the proposed regulations so that children are better protected, and that a way of life can be maintained. Applying a little common sense would be a good place to start.

  

Did you happen to hear about the recent Consumer Reports survey that found more than 35 million Americans don’t like the holiday season because they dread so much about it, including having to be nice to people? They also hate shopping where you have to wait in lines, putting on weight and spending money. Other survey questions found that 25 percent of people hate traveling, 24 percent hate seeing certain relatives, 23 percent hate seasonal music and 19 percent hate disappointing gifts. Smaller, although not insignificant, percentages hate going to holiday parties and tipping. A full 90 percent of the survey respondents said there was at least one thing about the holiday season that drove them absolutely bonkers.

Come on, be honest. You’ve fallen into one of those categories at times, haven’t you? I know I’ve fallen into every one of them at various points. A friend of mine has a story about traveling to a Christmas dinner party with relatives he didn’t particularly care for that hits nearly all the points.

It seems that one of the old aunts dropped her dentures into the pot of clam chowder while it was cooking, and didn’t notice their absence. The missing choppers were found by another old aunt, who dipped up a ladle full of chowder at the table, and discovered the grinning teeth in her soup bowl. She responded — as most of us would — by tossing her cookies, and her visceral comment on the unwelcome holiday surprise was seconded by others. My friend said everyone tried to be nice about it, but it was difficult. He did not say what he received in the Secret Santa exchange, but I like to think it was one of those singing bass you hang on the wall, or a foot massager that doubles as a walnut cracker. I also like to imagine that “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” was playing on the stereo at the time.

  

Speaking of holiday gifts. I was watching the tube last night when a commercial for this season’s hot Chia Pet came on. This year, it’s Chia Obama, a special edition that commemorates our commander in chief. The thing is a little bust of Obama — it also says “YesWe Can” on the base — and if you keep it moist, little green plants grow out of the top of his head where hair should be. It’s only $19.95, and you can order it on the Web or buy in select stores. Just in case there’s someone you want to be really nice to this season.

Gregory Bean is the former executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers. You can reach him at [email protected].