Bloopers
Anyone in the market for a ‘Chip n Dale’ sofa? Read on …
Adele Young
Bloopers
Our annual bloopers column is a collection of typos as well as grammatical and usage errors compiled mostly from stories before they make their way into one of Greater Media Newspapers’ 12 weekly publications.
We’re pleased that almost everything in this column did not make it into print — especially this sports headline: "Pauch best of sow [show] in New Egypt Bunny Hop." That might have been OK if it were a 4-H competition, but Mr. Pauch is a race-car driver.
Or this headline: "Old Bride [Old Bridge] squad knocks South Brunswick from ranks of unbeatens." Apparently when you wait a long time for true love, you get pretty tough.
Photo captions, which are typed quickly, are usually a bountiful source of typos and double entendres.
One of our photographers described this picture taken at a fund-raiser: "The Raven and the Peach chefs chose to serve a cold appetizer of crap [crab] salad napoleon at ‘Chefs for Hope,’ a fund-raiser to help support Cancer Care of New Jersey."
Here’s a full-service station we described in a caption: "The train station revamping is nearing completion. The look is different already, with new platforms, signs, shelters and canopes [canopies]." Now that’s the way to commute: a club and canope car.
Another caption read: "The new middle school principal poses next to the school’s marquis [marquee] welcoming him." As if there aren’t enough administrators in some schools, they start hiring nobility!
We hope the ACLU doesn’t hear about this: "Instead of creating an administrator position, the [township] committee decided to bring in an office manger [manager]."
What an ingenious way to cut the municipal budget: "[The committeeman] said he felt the township should explore the option of creating an in-house engineering potion [position] in order to cut costs."
A heavenly hotline: A short article seeking vendors for a craft fair at a local Catholic school most appropriately requested that interested parties "call Christ at (732) 555-6129." You would think he’d have an 800 number, but perhaps this keeps the volume of calls down.
What a difference a letter makes
Here’s a possibility for a new Broadway musical: "Evita tells the story of Eva Peron’s rise … [how] she uses her feminine wiles to climb the ladder of success as a model, actress, and finally the wife of General Joan [Juan] Peron."
And just south of Easy Street …
"Most borough offices moved to the new borough hall, a renovated church on Broadway, in October, but some still remain on Popular [Poplar] Avenue." Who wouldn’t want to stay on the popular street?
We could have used this man in Trenton: An obituary read: "He was a member of the Cost Guard Auxiliary."
In an article about bullying in one of our local school districts, a solution discussed was peer medication (mediation).
Silence is golden:
A Long Branch fire official did not "dispute that smoke detectors save lives. However, he said the issue is mute [moot] since they have always been required before and will be in the future."
In a story about the possibility of using condemnation to obtain a school site in Millstone, we almost printed the schools superintendent as saying that "the school district wants to negotiate in food faith on any property that officials consider." The power of food has always been underestimated.
Did you know school officials were considering building a very dangerous pool in West Long Branch? "It’s just a bad location. They say that it’s just for the children, but it’s going to attack [attract] parents" who will want to watch them swim.
In a story about a developer buying up farms for housing subdivisions in East Brunswick, a resident aired his distaste for builders: "These people have fed at the public troth [trough] for too long." Sounds like the reception at one of those Rev. Moon mass nuptials.
In Monmouth Beach a man was arrested for driving while suspected [with a suspended license]. Guess Big Brother has arrived.
English 101
There’s a reason language arts teachers preach about the dangers of misplaced modifiers as evidenced in this photo caption:
"North Brunswick Township High School students are happy to have received responses to letters they sent to soldiers stationed in Iraq as a school assignment."
Don’t have your homework? It’s Baghdad for you!
An audition notice for The Shrewsbury Players called for "a case [cast] of four females and four males, ages 20 and up."
How ’bout a six-pack of senior citizens to boot.
For adults only
In a story about a state law that allows towns to impose a hotel tax: "In our judgment, this will not have a negative impact on the industry," McKeon said. "And as a tangenital benefit this will create a funding source for … art and cultural funding."
In a photo caption about restoration of a cemetery monument, the writer thankfully caught herself as she typed: "Two owners of the restoration company pissing [passing] in front of the monument."
We surely would have been in hot water had we printed a picture with this suggested caption: "Jack from ‘Jack in the Beanstalk’ sins [sings] with his fellow classmates during a visit to the Carriage House Manor in Sayreville."
Parents on patrol
When Shore area Catholic and private school students found themselves without busing the first week of the school year, a school administrator said a letter to parents had the names and phone numbers of other parents they should contact if they were interested in going in on a bust [bus].
Heroes and heroines come in all shapes and sizes: In a Police Beat item we reported that "officers found on [the suspect] a small amount of marijuana, 60 small glassine envelopes of heroine [heroin] in the suspect’s sock, and $1,680 in cash." That must be a Tinkerbell-sized heroine.
Physician, heal thyself
In an article about a Board of Education vacancy, we wrote that prospective candidates must possess the following qualifications: "A person must be a registered voter, at least 18 years old, a borough resident for at least one year preceding the date of the appointment, able to read and right …"
In a story about a feral cat problem we noted that although the animal rescue group receives discounted spaying and neutering costs for the animals from several animal hospitals, they have to spend money on "rabies vaccinations, distemperment checks, testing for feline leukemia and AIDS, and other shots."
Safe to say most of us know people or co-workers who suffer with distemperment problems.
Egg on our face
If only we could catch all the mistakes before they got into print. But, alas, that didn’t happen. Below are a few that made it into print in 2003.
In an article about a proposed apartment complex, a resident voicing concern about the displacement of deer said, "The encroachment of the deer population in residents’ yards will increase the risk of residents contracting Lyme disease due to the exposure to deer tics." Apparently deer are not only spreading Lyme disease, they’re also making faces at us.
Boy, did we get calls on this one… In a notice from a women’s fitness chain offering teen girls ages 13-19 free summer workouts, we erroneously printed the number of a bondage and discipline business. Fortunately to our knowledge, no young girls actually made the calls. Their moms did, and it didn’t take long to realize that this was not something their daughters would include in their "how I spent my summer vacation" essays.
Another gaffe prompting a chuckle was from a classified ad that proudly announced that a local yeshiva admitted "students of any face [faith], color, national and ethnic origin."
Now that’s a truly bias-free admissions policy.
In the same August paper we also ran a classified ad under the Antiques/
Collectibles heading, which offered a "SOFA Chip n Dale [Chippendale] style camel back. Down cushion, ex condit." Guess it was time for those cute little Disney critters to redecorate.
Another classified ad offered a "threadmill" for $60, but we have a feeling it really referred to those exercise machines we all have collecting dust in our basements.
Sometimes being a family-oriented newspaper inhibits our sense of humor. When a local public works director was expressing his frustration over a proposal to install a lot of speed bumps as a practical solution to calm traffic, he said matter-of-factly:
"I don’t like it. Are you gonna hump this whole town?"
We didn’t use that as our front-page quote of week, but we sure wanted to.
Adele Young is the news editor of Greater Media Newspapers