As happens every year at this time, we’ve heard a lot of graduation addresses filled with uplifting exhortations that basically come down to “be the best that you can be.”
I think First Lady Michelle Obama’s speech to graduating high school students in Washington, D.C.’s Anacostia neighborhood was the most moving of the bunch. I thought it was especially touching when she teared up remembering the sacrifices her parents made in giving her and her brother an education.
Speaking of those sacrifices and her parents’ determination, she said, in part, “I remember my mom pushing me and my brother to do things she’d never done herself, things she’d been afraid to do herself. What I can remember is my father getting up every day and going to work at the water filtration plant, even after he was diagnosed with MS, even after it got hard for him to button his shirt, and to get up and walk. See, I remember my parents sacrificing for us, pouring everything they had into us, being there for us, encouraging us to reach for a life they never knew.”
I don’t care whether you agree with the Obamas politically, and a lot of my readers don’t, but that was nice.
And in that spirit, because it’s Father’s Day when I’m writing this, and because I often have some practical advice for graduates of my own as they embark on this new era in their lives, here are a few bits of accumulated wisdom I’ve never shared before in previous columns:
• Call your parents often, and not just for one of the three B’s — to brag, bitch or beg. Families are often separated by great distances because of things like work or school, but regular phone calls, just to chat about what’s going on in our lives, make that distance seem smaller. Ask Mom how she makes her famous chocolate chip/macadamia nut cookies because you’re trying to make a batch for your friends. Trust me, it will make her day.
• Read books, even if you only have the energy to read for 20 minutes before you fall asleep. When the Harry Potter series was all the rage, I was ecstatic about what they had done to get all those young people hooked on the written word. I’m happy these days that young people are reading all those romantic vampire stories, although I don’t understand their appeal. But for your own intellectual development, throw in one of the classics from time to time. You don’t have to start with “Finnegan’s Wake,” which almost nobody has actually finished, but if you’re looking for an easy way in, Mark Twain’s “Huckleberry Finn” is as good as it gets. Then, maybe work up to Charles Dickens or Joseph Conrad, and go on from there, say one or two a year. Not only will you learn something, but the fact that you’ve got a copy of “A Tale of Two Cities” in your briefcase when you go in for a job interview, and can discuss it, will likely impress the adult who’s trying to make a decision about whether to hire you.
• You always hear that you should live within your means, and you should. But here’s something you don’t often hear: buy some things on credit, but never more than you can pay off comfortably. That’s how you build credit. An American Express Green, which you have to pay off in full every month, is a good bet. Many young people don’t understand how important it is to build and maintain a good credit history, but trust me when I tell you that life is a lot easier when your credit score is 700 than it is when it’s 430.
• If you do get in a financial pickle, never, and I mean NEVER, go to one of those companies that say they’ll work with the credit card companies to reduce or erase
your debt. Almost all of them are scams preying on people who can least afford it, and most of them want you to put in a sizeable chunk of the money you don’t have in a fund up front, most of which they’ll gobble for “administrative” fees. There are legal actions against these companies coast to coast, but they’re still running those ads, so there must still be people out there desperate enough to gamble on these blood suckers’ crass promises. Don’t be one of them.
• The next time someone in your life has an important day coming up — say your mom’s birthday — write her an actual letter and tell her what she means to you. Despite the fact that people cherish and save letters, most of us probably can’t remember the last time we got one. Write that letter to your mom, and I guarantee it will go directly into her keepsake box, and it will bring a tear to her eye every time she reads it. And here’s a bit of relationship advice. If you really want to impress your significant other, or just the person you might like to become closer to, forget the silly store-bought cards next Valentine’s Day, and write that person a letter. Put a stamp on it and mail it. I can almost promise that letter will be about the only handwritten letter your intended will get that year, and it will impress him or her more than 20 pounds of chocolate-covered cherries and flowers that dry out in a week.
• As an addendum to the above, romantic or personal sentiments sent by Twitter or Facebook don’t have near the staying power or impact. And neither does an email, although according to The New York Times, only 11 percent of young people are even using that method of communication anymore. I don’t know exactly what that means in a social sense, but I do know this: nobody ever printed out a Tweet, tied it up with a ribbon, and tucked it away in a keepsake box.
• Via my friend Dave Simpson, via the great Mike Royko: bathe often.
• And don’t wear your hat at the dinner table, especially backwards. I wish my children would listen to that one.
Gregory Bean is the former executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers. You can reach him at [email protected].